Work

So many of us define ourselves by what we do for living. We have been taught since a young age that what we do for a living defines who we are – but what we do for a living is such a small part of our world. Who we are as a spouse, friend, community member. Is our world so small that all have is our work? I must admit that a large part of who I am is evident by the profession I chose but I would be the same person if I wasn’t working in this field. When I was fired from a job it took a big toll on my self esteem. I realized during that time what a big emphasis I put on working. I was lost and didn’t know what to do with myself. I realized during that time that there is so much more to my life than just work. I was missing out on so much life because of my consumption of work. I was neglecting other things in my life. Once I started to work again my priorities shifted. I stopped bringing work home nightly. I didn’t spend my weekends doing work. Instead I took time to spend with my spouse and friends. We need to prioritize what is important in our life because life is too short. Spend time doing the things you enjoy. My challenge for you today is for you to honestly evaluate the role work plays in your life. Are you neglecting other areas of your life?

The Wonder of Winter

Winter is such a beautiful time of the year. It is when the Great Spirit pauses and brings such beauty into our lives. I see Winter as the time for rejuvenation. Animals go into hibernation. We humans sometimes struggle with the loss of sunlight. For me Winter is the time for me to pause and reflect on my life. What has been going well and what do I need to work on? The days seem shorter and I tend to get restless during the winter months. I can’t wait to see what the New Year has to offer me. I love seeing snow and basking in the beautiful glory the Great Spirit has put on this earth. My challenge for you today is to take time to pause in your day and reflect on the gifts Winter has to offer you.

Foundations

They are the building blocks of all things. They are the initial steps you take to complete a job. When I think of a foundation I think of a house. The foundation is the building blocks for the beautiful house that is to be. If you do not set a firm foundation the house will collapse. So many of us are rushing through life we fail to set a good foundation and then wonder why we fail. We wonder why the things we did do not work out and when we look back we can see we had little foundation to build off of. In relationships we rush in before really getting to know the other person and then wonder why the relationship does not work out. We have to remember that even though foundations take time to build in the long run they save us from such heartache and disappointment. My challenge for you today is to examine the foundations you have built – what ones need some work?

Asking for what you need

So many of us are afraid to ask for what we need. We hedge and haw hoping that the other person will figure out what we are asking for. When the person does not get it we get frustrated and sometimes angry. We believe people should read our minds – especially the people we love. What makes it so hard for us to just ask for what we need? I think for some of us we are afraid that our need will not be met or we will be putting the other person out. Truth be told it is up to the other person to decide whether or not they can meet our need. If the person says yes and then are resentful it is on them not us. We have to learn how to express our needs in a clear way so they are easy to understand by the other person. We will never know if the other person can meet the need unless we ask. My challenge for you today is to clearly ask for what you need – with no expectations placed on the need.

Breathe

This is such a simple concept but one that is so hard for many of us. When things get really tough in your life you have to remember to breathe. To really focus on yourself and your actions – you need to remember to breathe. Self meditation is such an important thing to remember to do in our lives. So many times we get so caught up in whatever that we forget this really simple concept. Breathing helps us slow down and reflect what is going on in our life. My challenge for you today is to attempt to pause today and just breathe. Did it help you get through the situation easier?

Why?

I was listening to a song and it asked this question – “Why do we kill people who are killing people to show that killing people is wrong?” I think this is a pretty big question as a society that we need to answer. Whether it is war or the death penalty what message are we trying to send? I have always believed in both but this causes me to pause and really question my beliefs. I believe that this philosophy has been around for so long that most of us have never paused to question it. Why? Why do we believe that what is technically murder is ok? How do we justify our beliefs and behaviors? My challenge for you today is for you to attempt to answer the “Why”. I do not have an answer for you because I am still stuck on the “Why” myself so maybe you can come up with an answer.

The Past

We all have a past. Some of us look at our past with regrets or what if’s. So many people waste their present living in the past. The is over with – you cannot change it. All you can do is to live you present with the best of intent. I did a lot of things in my past that I am not proud of, but I see them as learning experiences. I would not be the person I am today if I had not gone through my past. I have made my amends where I could and the rest I have let go of. I’ve learned that when I focus on the past I am wasting precious time in the present and future. The past has happened for a reason and even if I cannot understand it all right now the time will come when I will. For now I am just happy being alive today and enjoying the moment right now. My challenge for you today is to ask yourself “What am I holding onto from the past and what do I need to do to let it go so I can live in today?

Want vs Need

What is the difference between a Want and a Need? To me a want is something I would like to have – a need is something I have to have like food, water, and clothing. I think many of us get the words mixed up. We say we Need to have X when in all actuality it would be nice to have it but I do not NEED it. We all have things in our life that we feel like we have to have. For some it is money, others is Fame but these are all just false beliefs. These things may make us happy in the short-term but over time they loose their attractiveness and we find another “Need”. I admit I am guilty of this. I sometimes have to really challenge myself. Do I really need those cupcakes or is toilet paper more important? I think most of us deal with this dragon of Want frequently. Bottom line is “What do I need in my life to survive – bare minimum” – after that it is all Want. So the challenge for today is to ask yourself this very question – “want vs need?”

Silence

So many people cannot handle silence. Every minute of everyday has to be crammed with sensory overload. What would happen if we just listened without talking? What would you notice? As a therapist I had to learn how to use silence as a therapeutic tool. How to use that pause to give myself and my client’s time to think and collect ourselves. I found out just how powerful silence is. My partner is a very gregarious and loves to talk. She is always thinking and talking. I had to work long and hard with her to allow me silence just for myself. That sometimes silence was the answer that we were seeking. I enjoy my silence and when I don’t get that space on a daily basis I get edgy and cranky. We as a society need to learn how to slow down and just Breathe. My challenge for you today is to consciously put pauses in your day today. How hard was it for you? Did you learn anything about yourself?

Charity

For many people charity means donating time, money or something else to another individual, organization or cause. Many people don’t know but America was built on the concept of charity – ordinary people helping others in times of need. How many times have you been charitable without expecting some reward, payback or tax break? Charity to me means sacrificing myself to help someone in a situation different – not always worse from myself. Do I lend that friend 5$ for gas or do I use it for tobacco? Di I give up a day with friends to visit peers or friends shut in due to illness or disability? There are ways each of us can show charity every single day. It means stepping out of my own mess long enough to give my attention to another. I can promise you that if you gave one act of charity a day you would be a happier and healthier individual. So my challenge for you today is to show an act of charity with no strings attached. Did it change your day?

Intimacy

Is intimacy a physical/emotional or spiritual thing? Is it a combination of all three? I have been thinking long and hard about this term. If we equate sex with intimacy does it mean we are not intimate people if we do not have sex? I find that I can be a very intimate person without any physical contact with another person. I feel that I am intimate in how I relate to others on a soul to soul basis. I also feel that on a spiritual level I am very intimate with myself. My relationship to myself defines how intimate I am with who I am as an overall person. Intimacy can be created in many situations and in all languages. Sometimes what blocks us being intimate is we fear being vulnerable or getting hurt = but all those things are a part of life. People come and go from out lives and it is up to us how close we choose to get to those people. My challenge for you today is to evaluate your level of intimacy at home, work, with your friends and with your peers. Do you have the level of intimacy you would like to have? How can you increase your level of intimacy?

Colors

We all have our likes and dislikes. We have gone through phases in our lives when one or two colors were more popular than other colors. Many of us can define ourselves by our current scheme. I have found that I fall for more of the earth based tones. To me it is a return to my beliefs and the colors wear is an extension of that. I know that for whatever reason there are certain colors that just are not me. I’m sorry but I know I could never see myself in classic yellow. I would look like a huge lemon – just my opinion. I feel that colors help me express who I am. There are so many ways to add color into you lives. My challenge for you today is to ask yourself - What are my colors and what do they say about me?

Holidays

I grew up in a family that celebrated holidays with family. Family played a major role in my upbringing and I feel family should play a major role in a childs upbringing. Reality is family is becoming less and less important these days. We are so busy supporting our families financially we don’t have the time to support them emotionally and phsycially. Family is so important. It is our roots and and helps us remember what is really important in this world. Due to circumstances beyond my control I am no longer close to my family and I miss that. I miss the traditions and the time spent getting to know my nieces and nephews. This is time I can never get back again. I have made my own family now and am working on building new traditions- but I still miss the real thing. Not only do I miss out on seeing my family but my partner misses out on getting to know some really great people. My challenge for you today is: “Is there ways you can build or strengthen the relationship you have with your family? What is holding you back from making this happen?

Illness

This is something I do not do well with. I will fight illness to the bitter end before I admit that I am sick. I’m not saying this is a good thing – it isn’t. I do not listen to my body and there is a price you pay for that. Our body has this way of telling us when something it wrong with it. Something is swollen, red or itchy. Our body is sending us a signal that we need to pay attention. I fail to pay attention to this signal. I am so stubborn I place myself at risk because I have the faulty belief that only weak people get sick! I know in my brain that this is false but I still fight it on a constant basis. I need to find a happy medium that is healthy for me. My challenge for you today is “What is your body telling you and what are you doing to listen to it?

What matters?????

I have been thinking about this topic a lot lately. I have experienced people I care about lose almost everything that matters to them. I myself have been struggling to survive financially and every day is a struggle. I remember when I first got clean - I had nothing but really I had everything. I had lost all the material possessions that I had carted around with me my whole life but I had the most important thing left - myself. I didn't really understand that at the time but now I realize how valuable that gift was. I for once had the freedom to be myself with no strings attached. I was free to choice what I wanted to do with my life and how I wanted to live my life. I think that sometimes we forget this. We get caught up in the material side of life and forget what really matters. I would give up every material thing I owned to maintain the freedom I have to be me. I am a valuable person and I matter. Everything that I own can be taken from me but they cannot take what is most important - myself. My challenge for you today is to stop and reflect on what really matters in your life. Do you really need that CD or piece of clothing or is there something more important you can do with that money - like donate it to a charity or buy some food for a family in need. How can you pay it forward today?

Being the Light

I have been thinking about this idea for some time now. We have a lot of options in life. We can bring good or bad into this world. We can choose to focus on all the drama that goes on day in and day out or we can focus on what really matters to us. When I talk about being the light I am talking about being the one that brings things into focus. The individual that can see through all the chaos and see the true diamond that is hidden. It brings to mind to me a picture I once saw. A family had lost their entire home to a natural disaster and the little girl in the picture was looking at the scraps of materials left from her dolls. It made me think about what must be going through her mind at that time. If we are going to be the light we have to be the one that does not allow all the fluff of the world to cloud our vision. We have to be able to see the good that is in all of us. My challenge for you today is simple: Instead of complicating your life today how can you simply your life? How can you change your vision of something and take it to its bare minimum? What does really matter in all the fluff that you see?

Why do we love chaos?????

I was asked this question today and it is not an easy one to answer. For many of us we grew up in chaos and it is the only life we know. When there is not chaos in our lives we do not know how to act or behave - so we create chaos - even when it hurts us or the people around us. People that grew up in dysfunctional homes are used to chaos - it is their reality. The hard part is when you try to go from the adolescent living the chaos to an adult in an adult relationship. If we match up with someone who did not grow up in chaos they question why we always have to complicate things. Why things can't be calm and just "normal" but, to us chaos is normal. It is only after we have been hurt many times do we start to question whether our way of doing things is really the right way. After we have loved and lost many times. After we have gone through an addiction or the loss of numerous jobs. Chaos is filled with loss. It eats away at your self esteem and your concept of sanity. It takes a strong person to come to the reality that chaos is not normal in day to day life. That the adrenaline rush they get from the initial chaos is not worth the mountain of heartache that will follow. A person who is used to chaos struggles on a moment to moment basis to handle things without adding drama to the situation. It is not that they are actively seeking out drama it is just that they know no other way of getting their needs met. To love someone that craves chaos takes a lot of patience. It is hard to change this behavior. The first step is to realize that you are in that cycle. Once you realize you are in that cycle you have to make a conscious decision to change it - and that takes a lot of patience on every ones part. It is possible to change and to learn how to deal with calmness or as some people like to call it mindfulness. My challenge for you today is to try to see the chaos people in your life in a different life. Try to put yourself in their shoes and see things from their reality. If you can try to bring some mindfulness to their life. You never know what an extra five minutes of your time could do for this person.

Alcoholics and Addicts

We have all seen how addicts and alcoholics can be vilified but, in reality they are people just like you and I. They have a disease that keeps them from seeing how sick they really are. You on the outside can see the destruction that is occurring in their lives but they cannot see what you do. Just like the diabetic who keeps eating the candy bar - one one level they know that candy bar is bad for them but on the conscious level they are just satisfying a need. The addict or alcoholic is satisfying the need to either create or negate a feeling. They know no other way of doing it. Many times if you ask them why they drink or use they cannot tell you because they real don't know the answer. They just know that the drink or drug changes their feeling reality for awhile and helps them survive. A person in recovery has to learn about their feelings and how to cope with them without using. This is not an overnight process. It takes time and a lot of patience and hard work. Recovery is not a linear process. Rather it is one that has many ups and downs. The addict/alcoholic needs to be encouraged and helped through both parts of the cycle. They are going to make their share of mistakes but that is the only way they will learn. Many of us had great role models when we were growing up and learned the basics of life. In reality, many people who are addicted to whatever the substance or thing is did not have great role models. They do not know any other way of acting. We tell them they need to change but then do not want to take the time to teach them or guide them through the process of change. We just want instant success. That is not based in reality. Change takes time and if we really love that person we will work with them to get to that point. But one must be patient and be willing to go through the good and bad cycles to get to that point. My challenge for you today is to reach out to someone who is addicted - whether they know it or not - and just offer to help. This could be a simple gesture to just listen to their reality or it could be something more concrete like offering to take them to a twelve step meeting. The gesture does not have to be something big just something that says "Hey, I'm here and care and love you just the way you are right now" - no strings attached.

Paying it forward

Everbody probably knows what this phase means - but for those who don't I will do a brief explanation. Paying it forward it when someone does you a favor and you in return due a favor for someone else. This is not a gesture that is done in fanfare - but rather one that is done silently without the expectation of acknowledgement or reward. I had a course in this miracle today. Many years when I first got clean my initial therapist helped me through the rough patches. She helped me find a place to live, clothes on my back and food for my belly. I had the chance to due something similar today - and boy what a feeling! It felt so great to be able to due something - no matter how small it was. I made a difference and in return I changed the course of someone else's world. This person was not expecting anything from me - it was a gesture that was done at the spur of the moment with no thought on my part. I did it because it felt right and by the persons expression I know it was the right thing to do. I could tell by the gleam in her eye that I had done something that could never and would never need to be repayed. I told her about the concept of paying it forward and that someday someone would be in a similar situation as herself and it would be her turn to pay it forward. She would know when that time was and how to act. Paying it forward does not require thought - it requires heart. So my challenge for you today is to think about some gesture that you recieved that changed your world that you can pay forward to someone in need today. I make you a bet you will feel like a whole new person when you do this - just trust me.

Reality is Just a Word

If you think about it but reality is just a word. It is how we percieve something in a given moment in time. The thing with reality is it can change at the drop of a hat. Our perceptions change depending on the time, who we are with and what we are doing. We can change our reality if we choose to. Reality does not need to be a constant thing. If we are not happy with something we have the ability to change it. We first have to acknowledge it and then decide whether or not we want to do anything about it. If we are not happy with something than it is up to us to change it. If was are miserable then we have to decide that we want a better way of life. We can moan and groan about our circumstances or we can decide to do something about it. We have to decide that we are not happy with the circumstances and then we can start to do something about it. I guess my challenge for you today is to define your reality. What is the "real" you and what are your happy or unhappy with and decide to do something about it.

Mentors

What is a mentor? To me a mentor is someone that I look up to. This is something about them that inspires me and attracts me and others to them. I can say I have had about three really good mentors in my life. My mentors have been there for me through thick and thin. They have told me the truth even when it hurt. They have held me when I needed to cry and lent me an ear when I needed to vent. They have done nothing except be themselves. They hold a special place in my heart because they love me - just for being me. They do not place any expectations on our friendship and they do not ask for anything in return when they help me out. They are the people I can be my authentic self with and I do not feel any need to sugar coat the situation or be something I am not. They allow me to be me and are there when I fall down to help pick me up. I am thankful to these people because without them I would not be the person I am today. So to Randy and Marilyn I day thank you. Thank you for being you and thank you for allowing me to walk in your path when I needed to. My challenge for you today is to seek out your mentors and thank them. Let them know they are special and you appreciate them.

Promises

What is a promise? An oath that we are or aren't going to do something. How faithful are you to your promises? For years my friends would pick on me because they knew I wouldn't say the word promise unless I was certain I would follow through. That is how serious I take this word. I made a promise on my friends deathbed that I would never drink again and I haven't. If I promise to do something I do it. I take pride in that fact. A promise is an agreement between two people that you are going to follow through on a certain behavior. Promises should not be taken lightly. Your word should be worth its weight in gold. Your word is all you have that is truly yours. If you want to start living your life differently than think about how you use this word promise. My challenge for you today is to make a promise to someone and keep it - see how it makes you feel inside when you follow through on your word.

Stop Loss

I am not a real political person and try to avoid all conversation of the political matters but, I feel compelled to write about this because it has shook my world. How many of you know what this military term is? I found out the definition a little bit ago. What it is is simple. A soldier signs a contract with the military to serve a certain amount of time and then they are supposed to be discharged. Stop Loss is the practice by the government to stop the loss of valuable soldiers. The government can and does deny the soldiers the right to be discharged even though they have served their time. Yes, this is right. The soldier has served their tour of duty and that are told they must go back to war - with no questions asked. To me this is slavery. If the soldier has served their country admirably they have the right to leave when their tour is up. By the grace of God they have survived their tour and now want to come home - but they are denied that right. If your employer told you you could not leave when you got a better paying job, who would you react? We have to speak up for our soldiers and stop this practice. My challenge for you today is to call your local Congress or Senate person and stress your disgust with this practice. Your voice may pave the way to save a soldiers life.

Heaven or Hell?

When we were younger many of us were told we were going to hell because of a certain way we were acting. Back then I didn't understand the concept of Hell - not that it would have mattered. What I have learned as an adult is Hell is a place of our own making. It is not a place I can be sent or a place where "bad" people go. Hell is the trap we create for ourselves when we live against our own values. Only I, though my own behaviors can lead me to that direction. I believe that in our lifetimes we fluctuate between good and bad, Heaven and Hell - whatever you choose to call it. The key is to find that middle ground. How do I make my own reality one that is pleasurable for me. How do I get myself in situations that go against what I hold valuable to myself? My challenge for you today is to find that middle ground of your own making.

Illness

What have you been taught about illness? I was taught at a young age to suck it up and move on. You may think this is admirable but it is not. Because of this I have failed to listen to my own body and continued to due behaviors that hurt my body. There are times when you need to push through - like when you have a cold or tired legs - but you have to know when to say when. Your body is giving you a clue that something is not right and if you fail to listen - the situation will only get worse. I lost my best friend to cancer because she did not listen to her body and ignored all the warning signs that knocked on her door. There is another way this philosophy is not healthy for you - when you place that philosophy on another person. I have found that by expecting other people to do the same thing I am lacking compassion for them and their situation. I am saying "Your pain is not valid to me". I see this most in my own relationship. My partner has chronic pain and I have struggled to deal with that reality. If I am not aware of myself and my actions I find that I am lacking compassion and understanding for how she is feeling. She then gets angry and upset with me and that only makes her condition worse. I need to realize that other people do not have the same tolerance for pain and that other people are in better tune with their bodies. I need to respect that. I need to have compassion for my partner when she is in pain and willingly want to help her. I need to push through me own attitudes and show the love and caring that I have for her. This has been an on-going struggle for me but I will find that place of compassion. My challenge for you is to find that place of compassion and show it to someone in need today.

Honesty

Honesty is a tricky concept. Is honesty an action or a verb? I remember a time when honesty was my best value about myself. I was honest in my word and my deed. Even when the truth hurt I found a way to speak it without hurting the other person. Nowadays I find that honesty is lacking in my life. I stop myself from being totally honest because I fear the repurcussions of my honesty. I am not honest because I know I have done something wrong and I don't want to own up to it - I fear the consequences of telling the truth. I want to get back to that place where honesty was my way of life. If I am thinking of doing a certain behavior that I know will cause distress in my life - then I need to not do it - then I will have no reason to lie. If I know something is beyond my capabilities I need to be honest and say so. I have found the more dishonest I am in my life the more I do not like the person I am. My challenge for you today is to examine how honest you are in your life and how does dishonesty create distress for you? What can you do to bring more honesty into your life?

Rape

You may ask why I would choose this topic to discuss - well the reason is it is not talked about enough. It was brought into my world again this past week by a client of mine. In harrowing detail she described what had happened to her. There were parts of me that wanted to yell, cry and just hug her and tell her all would be ok, but that would have been a lie. Whether rape has happened in your own backyard, your neighborhood or as far away as Darfur - it effects us all. Rape is the ultimate violation of a persons boundaries. It is the total lack of respect and regard for another person. People can be raped physically or emotionally. When one does not respect another persons body or mind it is a form or rape. When have we done things we know were against another persons stated boundaries? We have to realize that some people do not know how to express their boundaries so it is our job to ask ourselves - would I want someone to say or do this to me? Rape is a very strong word but it is an intense violation of another person. I know this challenge will be hard for most of you but please just try it and if you need to share it with someone close to you do so. The challenge - have I ever violated the boundaries of another person - either physically or emotionally and how now knowing I did this what can I do to not repeat the behavior in the future?

A Reason, A Season or a Lifetime?

This little phrase means so much. What it means is people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. As I look back on my life many people have entered my life for reasons. They are the poeple who have taught me lessons and then moved on. Some, at the time I thought were my enemies, but in reality they were my teachers. Then I have had people in my life for seasons. Friends or foes that have been in my life for awhile. Joining me on my journey through life. They have stayed with me on whatever path I was on at the time, then they left. I see these people as my high school friends, old drinking buddies and old work associates. They played crucial roles in my life and taught me something about myself or helped me get through to the next phase in my life. Then lastly, are the friends that are here for a lifetime. These are the ones that have been through the twists and turns in my life and stayed by my side. At times they have stepped away allowing me time to grow and learn but in the end they were always waiting for me when I got back on my path. Lifetime friends love you warts and all. My challenge for you today is to look at the people who have passed t hrough your life and ask yourself what role did they fill in my life? Who are my lifetime friends and how do I know that?

Problems

We all have them - in all shapes and sizes. We are faced with problems on a daily basis. The issue is how do we see them? If we view them as outside of ourselves we lack the recognition needed to find resolution. When we are faced with a problem we need to look within - not without. The problem is not out there it is within ourselves. Something is happening in our world that is creating friction within. If we seek the answer from without we will never learn how to solve the problem for ourselves. We need to look within and find the resources within ourselves to solve the problem. If we do not have the needed skills to solve the problem then we must be willing to learn the needed skills. Only through self exploration and learning can we grow and mature. My challenge for you today is to look at a problem in your life and ask yourself "am I seeking answers from within or without? If you are seeking the answers from without, what do you need to do to solve the problem from within?

What if they had done it "right"?

What would have happened if Rosa had moved to the back of the bus or Martin Luther King had stopped marching???? Think about this - if these two people had done what they were ordered to do would we have a president elect Barrack Obama? Sometimes we have to go against the tide. It takes a strong person to stand up and say this is not right and I am no longer going to put up with this. Did you know that Jackie Robinson had to agree to not retaliate against hecklers (whether they were from his team or against him) before Branch Rickie would sign him? Just imagine how hard that must have been for him. Not only was he harassed by opposing teams and fans but his own teammates harassed him - but he did nothing accept play hard. It takes a very strong person to make a stand and to stick with it. Your challenge today is to ask yourself "What have I just settled for and what do I need due to take a stand and affect change?

Pain

Pain forces us to pay attention. Whatever is creating it we cannot run from it. We have a choice at this point to numb the pain with drugs, sex, money or simple avoidance - or do we deal with it? If we acknowledge the pain we can learn what is causing it and fix it. If we numb it we are holding off the inevitable. Sooner or later we will be forced to deal with the pain. As with a tooth if we ignore the pain we run the risk of the tooth dying or becoming infected. The same is true of our soul and spirit. If we deny emotional or spiritual pain we are killing a part of ourselves. What is it that we fear that we are willing to continually deal with this pain? My challenge for you today is to acknowledge your pain in whatever shape or form and see what that pain is trying to tell you. Maybe if you listen to it you can find a way to make the pain go away........

Non-judgement

How many of us go through life labeling things as good or bad, right or wrong, up or down? What would happen if we just accepted what is - with no judgement. Wouldn't life be so much simpler? We complicate things by placing judgements on them. We cannot accept things just for what they are. We have been taught that everything needs to have a value placed on it. I have learned that if I accept things exactly for what they are, life is so much simpler. I do not complicate myself with all the why and why not questions. I just accept what is. By accepting I am acknowledging it's presence and moving on. My challenge for you today is to accept. Thank about that one thing you are struggling over - what would happen is you just accepted it? Write about how it made you feel to just accept it - with no strings attached.

The POWER of silence

Silence - something so many of us run from. We fear silence because we do not know what lies ahead. We feel the need to fill in all the gaps - afraid of what may fill the space if we don't. I have been around people who fear Silence. It makes them uncomfortable and they question or fear what lies ahead. I have learned to love the Silence. It says so much if we are willing to listen. Have you ever been around someone in great pain? Their pain makes us uncomfortable so we feel the need to fill the silence, but what would happen if we just allowed them to absorb that silence? That silence is the place of learning for both of us. It allows them to truely feel and experience their feelings. It allows us to comfort and support - no words are needed - they will usually only fall on deaf ears. People in pain can usually not hear. I have had to learn how to love the silence because I, like most people was taught to rush through the silence and fill all the gaps. The silence made us uncomfortable. Now I just listen and give the person the space they need to share. Silence has taught me so much about others but more importantly about myself. My challenge for you today is to allow the silence - sit in it - experience it. What did you learn by allowing the silence? How did the other person react?

Daily Inventory

Those of you who are familiar with 12 Step programs know what a daily inventory is. A daily inventory is when you take time at the end of every day to reflect on what has happened in your day and what can you learn from the events and interactions you had. We assess what went well for us and what we can improve on. It is not a time to put ourselves down for mistakes made but rather a time to learn and grow. We are our best teachers. Taking just 15 minutes for yourself to due this would be such a good lesson for you. My challenge for you today is to due an inventory tonight and see what you learned about yourself. Use the knowledge you learned today to make a different tomorrow.

Letting Go

Letting go means I no longer need to control everything. It's letting my Higher Power due the work for me that I cannot. It's being able to step aside and saying "I can do nothing more about whatever". It's trusting that what will be - will be. It's learning I don't always have to be in control of everything because in reality all I have control over is my own actions and thoughts. By hodling onto I am resisting the natural course of things. I put a dam in the natural evolution of things. I need to step aside and let whatever happen - happen. This is a big leap of faith for most of us but until we learn how to do this we will not have peace in our life. It is fruitless to fight what will be. We have to really think about why we always feel the need to be in control. What are we so afraid of? My challenge for you today is to think about what you are holding onto and asking yourself why and then ask what do I have to gain by letting go of this?

Asking for help

For a long time I thought asking for help was a sign of weakness. I thought I had to do everything myself and if I did not succeed I was a failure. I have learned over the years that asking for help is a sign of strength. We cannot do everything ourselves and by allowing others to help us we multiply the chance of success. Asking for help means that we cannot do it ourselves. We are human. There are going to be times we need the help of our family and friends. We have to give them a chance to help us. Asking for help does not mean the other person has to help us - but it gives them a chance if they can. Sometimes the best way to help someone is to not help. To allow the person to learn how to do it one their own. It could be the best lesson they learn. We have to realize that there are going to be times in our lives where we cannot tackle the mountain ourselves. We need others to help us over the mountain. A true friend will help you over the mountain but will not due the work for you. I like knowing I don't have to share the whole burden myself. We grow when we ask others for help. My challenge for you today is really simple - Ask someone for help. Let me know how it felt to reach out and let another person assist you.

Mourning those we have lost -

How do we mourn those whe have passed on? I think there are various ways we can do it. Your religion or faith may have a certain practices to help you grieve. I think the way we mourn those who have gone before us is to honor their spirit everyday. In all our actions and deeds we honor what we loved about them. Whether it was their honesty, faith or hardwork. By living a good life in the present we set examples for those who will go after us. My challenge for you today is how can you honor the spirit of someone who has gone before you?

Trauma

I always tell myself that I have heard the worst of it all and then all of a sudden another client sits before me and bares their soul and I realize I have not heard the worst of it. I wonder how these clients can go on with their lives? What motivates them to get out of bed each day. It saddens me to see how one human can hurt another with no regard for the other person. We are supposed to care for one another as humans and not do anything intentionally to hurt each other - but we do and we do so intentionally. What motivates a person to take advantage of someone with no regard with how they are hurting that person. It seems to me that we as a society have forgotten that we are our brothers keepers. We have forgotten that what we due comes back to us tenfold. When we hurt another person it is bound to come back to us - in some way, shape or form. Trauma is not something that just goes away. Trauma stays with a person for the rest of their lives. Some people can move past it but many are scarred for life. The scary part is the people who are most often the perpetrators are people that the person knew and trusted the most. How can a person move past trauma when their very foundation of trust has been broken? We have to reach out to these wounded souls and offer our support and trust. My challenge to you today is to reach out to one of these wounded souls and listen, truely listen to their pain and offer solace and support. You do not have to fix the problem - you can't - but you can offer them a safe haven in which to share their pain.

Heredity or Environment?

I've been wondering about this a lot lately. Is it our environment or our heredity that predicts our future. I have met countless people who have come from a heredity backround that is awlful and have made wonderful strides in their lives. On the other hand, I had met many people who have come from horrible environments and have struggled to survive in this life. I myself believe it is a combination of the two. If we come from a good heredity it helps us deal with the bad environment. If we come from a bad heredic backround sometimes the best of environments cannot help us. I have found in my work that if I can help improve the environment of my clients then they can overcome almost any herditary backround. As adults we can make choices we cannot make as children. We can make choices that empower us rather than ones that diminish us. Hereditary does play a role in who we are and who we become but after a certain point it does come down to the choices we make as adults. We can blame our parents and our hereditary for forever but bottom line it comes down to the choices we make. So my challenge for you today is; What choices are you going to make today that break the hereditary cycle and get you moving onto the path of healing?

Being who you were meant to be

Have you even stopped and wondered if you were really happy with the person you are. I can say that through out the years I have done this and sometimes I liked the answer and sometimes I did not. I am at one of those points in my life where I do not like the person I currently am. I do not like my lack of patience, excuse making and overall attitude towards life in general. I am the one that has to make the choice to change these behaviors. They have not been pointed out to me by other people rather I was able to recognize them by just sitting back and reflecting on my life. I am not happy with me so I am the one that has to change - no one else. I have to find that center in my life where I was peaceful and content. The journey to get to that point again I believe will be a painful one but one that has to happen. If you are not happy with the person you are then you are the one that has to make the changes. One cannot expect other people to change their behaviors or attitudes. To think that will only aggravate you more and keep you from being at the place you want to be - that center. So my challenge for you today is to ask yourself "Do I like the person I currently am?" and if the answer is No what are you willing to do about it. Remember you make your own version of happiness!

Language

Words are very powerful things. They can used to help or to hurt. So many people are not aware of how they speak on a day to day basis. We use phrases like "I'd die for it" or "I'll shoot him" and don't realize how violent our language is. We don't take the time to really listen how we are talking to others or even to ourselves. Language can be used to develop eliquent sonnets and beautiful and powerful speeches. If was could just listen to the way we talk to each other we would be surprised to realize how violent our language really is. We live in a society were everything is fast paced and answers are wanted immediately. We don't take the time to really develop relationships with each other. If we took the time to really connect to the people in our lives I bet that how we talk to each other would change. If we took the time to listen and connect with the people in our lives our way of communicating with each other will change. We have to start really listening to ourselves and the way we communicate our wants and needs. Are things really "to die for"???? My challenge for you this next week is to start to listen to how you talk not only to others but about your own life. Are you words warm and inviting or are they threatening and violent? You be the judge - how do I really express myself?????

Pride - Compliments

Pride to me is defined as finding joy in a job well done. I have always had a hard time with this concept. For a long time I felt that if I showed pride in things I did I would be seen as conceited. When people would give me compliments I would downplay them or give an accuse as to why it was not true. I never learned how to accept the positive praise that I received - it always made me feel uncomfortable. One day I was talking to a mentor about this issue and she told me to learn how to just say "Thank you". By doing this I am acknowledging to the person that I appreciated their compliment and I am also allowing a part of me to acknowledge that I did something well. I have worked hard on this over the past ten years and some days it is still a struggle. I am often complimented about how good a therapist I am and I have learned how to thank the person but at the same time let them be aware of the part that they have played in their growth. It is funny but I have always wanted to be told how good I was doing but when it happened I didn't know how to handle it. So my challenge for you today is: When someone gives you a compliment - accept it and 2) Give someone a compliment and see how they respond to it. Depending upon their response see if you can talk to them about how not accepting your compliment made you feel and explore with them why they did not accept your compliment without question - you may be surprised at their response.

Being humble

They tell you in 12 Step rooms that you need to learn to be humble. I am a very humble person to the point that I have a very hard time accepting compliments from other people. I find it hard to accept the praise that people give me and I sometimes get embarrassed when people give me praise. As a child I did not receive a lot of praise and was always told to not get a big head so I never learned how to take pride in my accomplishments. I have slowly learned over the past 20 years how to take compliments and how to accept praise - but sometimes it is still hard. When people ask me how many years clean I have and I tell them 20 years they start to give me all this praise. I thank them for the compliments but I tell them that I am just like them - all I have is today - tomorrow is unknown. I have to keep my sobriety simple or I will go back to using. At work I continue to learn how to accept praise from my superiors and colleagues. I know that I am good at what I do - it sometimes is just hard to hear people tell me that. I am grateful for the people that are in my life and their praise and compliments help me through the hard days that we all have. My challenge for you today is to accept a compliment with no excuses or challenges to it. Just say thank you.

RAGE

I am not talking about anger here - I am talking about red hot RAGE. When you see the stars in your eyes and you world goes blank and it feels like your body is going to explode. When I was younger I had a lot of problems with range and it created a lot of problems for me. Once I got clean and sober I found a place of serenity within me and the RAGE just seemed to go away. The sad truth is it has come back - I have lost that center. The other day I hit that spot and just didn't know what to do with myself. I thought about using, cutting myself but ended up just punching some walls - which IS NOT a healthy way of dealing with it. I have to learn how to communicate how I am feeling without feeling like I am losing control. Sometimes I just do not know how to express myself with words and that is when the RAGE starts to creep in. I know that I am the one that has the power to control my anger and RAGE. RAGE is something that is so insidious and can destroy people, relationships and jobs. I think the key for me is being aware of how I am feeling and being able to express myself when I am upset. It does not help to take the feelings out on myself or anyone else. I have to learn to communicate my feelings especially the ones that are tough for me like anger and frustration. Communication is the key to so many things and I feel that if we just learned to tell people how we are feeling and what our needs are then there is no need to feel out of control. My challenge for you today is to identify how you are feeling and communicate your needs to at least one person.

Remember to laugh!

Did you ever have one of those days that you just wanted to scream or find the largest rock to hide under? What I have realized over the years that how you make it through those days is to laugh. Find something that makes you laugh, a movie, a good friend - anything to get you from focusing on what has gone on during the day. Pamper yourself a little bit - take a long bubble bath, if you drink - have a glass of wine and kick back on the recliner. Laughter truely is the best medicine. I had one of those days yesterday and was close to my limit of tolerance - I took a step back closed my eyes and pictured this gorilluea dance that my partner does. Crazy I know but it did the trick. I was able to get on with my day and do the things I needed to do. Life is all how we see it. If all we see is obstacles then we will accomplish little in life. If we are able to see all the possible solutions then we have the chance to try something and if it does not work we still have a list of other possibilities to try. Laughter is the bodies way to release stress and relax. My challenge for you today is to have a big laugh - try to see the flip side to any situation and just imagine the wacky ways you could deal with it.

Empathy

A lot of people when they hear this word think of sorrow or pity - but it is neither. Rather it is the ability to put yourself into another persons shoes and to feel what they have experienced. It takes a very special person to be able to do this. Many times when things overwhelm us we shut down and do not really listen to what the other person is saying to us. What they are saying to us is to powerful and sometimes hard to understand. What we have to realize that all the person is looking for is someone to talk to. Someone who will listen and not give advice or simple answers. People who are experiencing grief need to know that they are not alone. We need to give them a safe place to express themselves and to feel supported. There are many things that can happen to people that we as outsiders find hard to understand or comprehend - but that is life. Life is not simple and does not come neatly packaged. Bad things happen to good people and all they are looking for is someone to listen. If the situation is too overwhelming for you then be honest and tell that person that you would love to listen but find it too hard to do so. My challenge for you today is to truely listen to anothers pain and be present for them. Remember all they are looking for is someone to love and support them.

Change of Seasons

Just like all things in life nature has its way of telling us when it is time for change. This is my favorite time of the year. I love to smell the fresh crisp air and watch the leaves turn. It reminds me a lot of life in general. We all have to take time to notice change in our life and be prepared for it when it happens. There are always little hints that tell us that change is upon us - the key is whether or not we listen to these hints. Sometimes we try to fight change and all it does is frustrate us. If we just accept change as a normal part of life we enjoy the journey a lot more. We are not supposed to know what happens next - that is the beauty of life. It is constantly giving us new challenges and new chances to test ourselves. We have to be ready to face life head on and not run from the challenges that are places before us. Every recoverying person knows that change it inevitable. We have to learn to take the good and not so good and use it to further our lives. No matter what happens in our life there is something we can learn from it. We have to be open to this learning and not be so set in our ways. My challenge for you today is to notice what it out there right in front of you - embrace it and make it your friend!

War

I find this topic very hard for me. I have family members that have been part of the Armed Forces and I have supported them 100%. I myself was in ROTC and would have followed through with enlisting if I could have. I believe in the values that are learned in training - leadership, fellowship, determination etc... I guess the problem I have is how can people learn that war does not work. We kill people to show them that killing is wrong - what sense does that make????? I cannot even fathom how many innocent people have died - Americans and all the others - as the result of our need to force our values on someone else. This philosophy can be found on the city streets as easily as it can be found on the battlefields. We think that aggression will solve our problems and all it does is create more aggression. We need to learn how to talk about problems and solve them face to face. To many times we go around the issues and never really solve what the root problems are. If was could just talk to our "enemies" we may find that they are not as different as ourselves. They have their own beliefs and values. We may not agree with their values and beliefs but isn't diversity what this world is all about? We need to learn how to work with each other while respecting each other in the process. I love all veterans and support them 100% - what I do not support is war. Our veterans go to war for us but then how do we treat our veterans when they return. Many our homeless, have mental and physical disabilities, and cannot care for their families. If we treated our veterans as well as we treated our athletes this world would be a much better place. We have to start taking care of each other and not be so concerned about "I". My challenge for you today is to find a veteran and tell them how much you appreciate (d) their sacrifice. Is is little act that will go a long war to healing deep scars.

Parenting

In the field I work in I have seen my share of very good and very bad parents. I am not a parent myself so I cannot say I have experienced the stress and joys of being a parent but, I have observed enough families and children to make some observations. It is not important what the parent does when they are with their children - all that matters is that they are there with them sharing the same space. Sometimes it helps for the parent to allow the child to pick the activity they are going to participate in -sometimes you just go with the flow. When I talk to adolescents they tell me the most important thing they want from their parents is to listen to them. To not always have the answers but to just allow them to express themselves and make their own choices. I have found that families that work through problems together are stronger and feel more connected as a family unit. There are so many things now adays that pull familes apart from jobs to health problems that any time spent with each other should be special. I am not saying you have to do anything special - what I'm saying is to make the most of the time you have. Parents need to know what their limitations are and be willing to ask for help when they need it. Kids need to try and somtimes succeed and sometimes fail. That is how they learn. If you think back to your childhood - you learned more from your mistakes then from your successes. Do not protect your children from the consequences of their actions. It is better they learn as children then as adults the consequences of their actions. My challenge for you today is to take the time to tell the ones that you love that they are special and you value what they bring to your relationship. Remember time is precious.

Finding Serenity

Where does one find serenity? Is it in the viewing of a beautiful sunset or maybe sitting on a log deep in the forest? Serenity can be found anywhere if you are looking for it. So many of us complicate our lives worrying about the little things and miss the big picture. There is so much that happens each day that can bring joy and fulfillment into our lives but, we get lost in the mundane. We have seek serenity and we will find it. It is there for anyone to take. I find serenity in the eyes of my wife, in the enjoyment of watching my cats wrestle and most importantly I find it in nature. The Great Spirit has given us so many wonderful gifts to enjoy each day. This time of year especially you can see the work of the Great Spirit in the turning of the leaves. I know that when things start to get out of control in my life I have to break things down into smaller chunks. That way I can focus and do what I need to without getting lost in the big picture. Just for today take a moment to enjoy the pleasures around you. I challenge you to use all your senses - what do you see - what are the colors? What do you smell - what does it remind you of? Feel the earth beneath your feet - how does it feel. Seek Serenity and you will find it!

JT

You may be wondering who or what JT is? Well JT is really Jethro Tahigwha Heimel-Heck - the youngest member of our tribe at five months. JT is teaching me a lot. He is a lot like Digger who is now 17 and those that remember Digger as a baby remember he was a hell yung! JT is so full of life. He does things that just baffle and amaze me. He will climb to the highest spot and then just through himself off and bang onto the floor. I ask myself how can a cat be so dumb to just let himself fall from such a high place but - then I thought for a moment. JT does not realize it is crazy to do that - he is just having fun with no abandon. Something that we forget to do as we get older in life. JT will take on the meanest cat of our tribe with no hesitation. To him it is just another challenge in life - even though we as his mothers see it as suicide! He loves all of his brothers and judges none of them. If he wants to take a nap he will curl up with anyone one of them - even the ones that do not like him too much. Slowly but surely JT is winning over the ones who at first did not like him. He is doing this by not judging and continuing to show love and warmth no matter how they treat him. Just think if we took this philosophy out into society. Think of all the conflicts that could be avoided and how many friends we could make. If we did not see our foe as our enemy we may actually make a friend. My challenge to you is what can you learn from your "enemies". All the people we dislike for whatever reason have something to teach us - so what can you learn today?

Music - What tune do you hear?

Yes, I admit it I once was a band fag and I'm proud to admit that. I learned to love music from my mother. My grandmother sang in the Opera and my mother was brought up listening to opera and playing the piano. My mother brought the love of her piano to her children and her grandchildren. I learned to play the piano at a very young age. I took lessons up till the point of high school and regret that I stopped so I could play more sports. In school, I played the bells. I'm not sure what made me decide on that instument but I think I liked the sound of the bells and I liked that there was only me playing them in the band. My instrument was unique and stood out in concerts. I loved carrying my heavy bells back and forth to school. I still can hear the sound that they made and wish I could get my hand on a set of them now. I love the piano to. I loved playing in recitals as a child and remember the look of pride on my mother's face as I played. I think about the music that I listen to now and most of it has a lot of Piano in it. Music is a language and what you listen to should talk to you. I like artists that use the piano a lot. Some of them are Phil Vasser, Billy Joel, Meatloaf, Bob Seger, Carole King and Carly Simon to name a few. If you really want to listen to pure piano music then you have to listen to Jim Brinkman, Yanni, John Tesh, or David Lang. I also love the opera - which I got from my grandmother. I hated it as a child but now really enjoy it. I love Pavorroti and really enjoy listening to the young Josh Groban. If I need to just kick back and relax all I need to do is listen to something that has the piano as the key instrument and I am carried to such a peaceful and calm place. Music is a language that anyone can understand - people from all walks of life - different cultures, religions. beliefs all have the language of their music to share with you. So my challenge for you today is two fold. One, what does you music say about you and what does it say to you? Secondly, what does the culture of the music you listen to say about your values and beliefs? All music says something - so what does yours say? Hey I would really love to hear your comments on this so please leave your comments at the bottom. Thanks!

Friendship

Friendship has always been a tricky thing for me. Growing up I was very outgoing and had a ton of people I thought were friends. Then I got to high school and my interests changed as did my group of friends. When I got to college my friends were my drinking buddies. Looking back now I realize that I really didn't have a lot of friends in my life. I remember my mom once telling me - holding one hand up - if you die and you have this many friends you have lived a good life. I didn't know what she meant then but I do now. Friends are people who stay in your life during the good and bad times. They are the ones that tell you the truth even when the truth will hurt. They are the ones that love and accept you for who you are not what you are. I look at my life now and realize that growing up I only had one true friend before college, two good friends in college and now currently I am blessed to say that I can hold up two hands to tell you how many friends that I have. It has been only through the grace of the Great Spirit that these people have been allowed to grace me with their light and I have been blessed to have them share my life. So for today, stop and recognize the friends that you have in your life and tell them thanks for all the good things that they bring to your life - you never know what will happen tomorrow.

Feelings? - Fact or Fiction

Feelings are a tricky thing to understand. Sometimes you think you feel one way but when you look at the situation from another direction your feelings change. I know for me I have felt very wounded lately and I do not know whether this is due to internal or external situations. I can't seem to put a finger on where the feelings are coming from. All that I know is that I feel like a hurt puppy lately and I am walking around with my tail between my legs. Everything that is said to me is taking very personally - even if the person did not mean it that way. I feel like the whole world has a finger pointing at me and I am cowering to avoid their glares. It's hard to express yourself when you feel this way because you do not want to hurt anyone else's feelings in the process. I think that people sometimes do not consider the words they use when they talk to you. They do not realize how their words are wounding you. They cannot see the outside bruises so they are incapable of seeing their effect on you. I think if people could see how their words are hurtful they would be more selective in the words they choose. People do not realize that words are very powerful weapons and can last a lot longer than physical scars. I think just for today we should evaluate how we talk to the people we love and ask ourselves if they are words we would like spoken to us. It's just a small experiment but I believe it could have a profound influence on your relationships.

Suicide

People may ask why I write about this topic - well - the reason is that suicide has reached epidemic proportions and nobody is talking about it. Suicide is an issue for every age group and we need to start paying attention. Being one that has attempted suicide on numerous occasions I know what it is like to feel like there are no solutions and there is nobody that can help you. Suicide has a stigma attached to it and nobody likes to talk about it for fear if they talk about it the person will follow through with their plans. In reality, talking about it helps the individual process their feelings and start to feel like they are not alone in their struggles. I consider myself blessed that when I reached those points in my life there were people that reached out to me - both before and after. I don't think that I truly wanted to die - I just wanted the pain to end and I could see no other solutions. We need to start talking about suicide in the schools, places of employment and in senior citizens centers. Suicide discussion needs to be out in the open and people need to feel safe talking about it.

Inspiration - Where does it come from?

I've been thinking about this since I watched Michelle Obama's speech the other night. I started to think about what inspires me to get up everyday? What inspires me to do the work that I do. Many people tell me they could never due the work that I do. Working with people with persistent mental illness and drug addiction can be very trying. You meet people from all walks of life. Some of them have family that support them and others are out there trying to make it on their own. Others have money and can afford to pay for treatment, but there are many that cannot afford treatment and only by the grace of their higher power are they able to get help. Some come to treatment because they really want to be there and others are only there to do time. These are the ones that are the hardest but most rewarding to treatment. With patience and skill you can get the ones that first come to due time to really want treatment and want to make changes in their lives. What I have to remember everyday is that I may only be working with one person but that one person probably touches the lives of at least ten other people. These can be family members, co-workers, friends and people they just meet on the street. If I can be a force in their life to change how they think and act then they have the capability to touch at least ten other people in the same way. If we all just thought this way - not just social workers. If we could just think that the way I treat this person in front of me today the way I want to be treated then it will have a ripple effect on at least ten other people. So for today - try to treat that difficult person in your life with care and tenderness and to tell the people in your life that you love them and appreciate them. Just think of the effect you could have on the world. Remember it starts with just one person. You could be the person to change the world today. Leave me feedback and tell me how your day went. I'd be interested in seeing how changing your perspective had an effect on the people around you.

Money - Friend or Foe?

We live in a society were money means power. This is really scary to me. To think that the hands of a few control the many.....I have always hated money. Yeah, it is nice to have but in the long run all it has every done is cause problems. We think that money makes us happy but that is so false. It is people that make us happy - things that you cannot buy like love, friendship, warmth. These things cannot be bought. We think because we cannot due something because of money that our whole day is ruined - this is so false. There are so many things you can do that require no money. Go to the local library, the state museum, a local park, a shopping mall. You do not need to have money to have a good time. We have to stop thinking that money makes the world go round. Yes, I like to go out to eat occasionally but I don't HAVE to do this. Use the resources that are in your community. Spend sometime in nature. Go for a walk and enjoy what Mother Earth has given to us. Instead of thinking of all the things you don't have - think of the things that you do have. These are the things that memories are made of - not money.

Stigma - Mental Illness

Why does stigma exist? I believe I will be repeating myself again but I believe stigma exists because people are not educated and choose to hate instead of understand. As one with a mental illness I have dealt with stigma. I have met people who when I shared that I had a mental illness they tried to pity me - like I had some fatal disease. Mental illness is a disease but I do not ask for pity just understanding. Many of us fear what we do not understand and mental illness can be hard to understand. Mental illness is sometimes scary for the people who have it as well as the loved ones who are trying to support them. Many years ago we locked people up who had a mental illness. State hospitals are just starting to be closed down and we are re-integrating these people back into the community. But communities are scared. They do not want "Those people" in their backyards. They support the closures but are afraid to have people with mental illnesses in their neighborhoods. If they only knew how many people with mental illness already live in their neighborhoods. Due to poor planning by the states, the communities have not been educated so they are left to their own imaginations. People with mental illness are just like you and me. They have their good days and their bad days. Some must take medication on a daily basis and others just need the support of a therapist or case manager. If we could just help our brothers and sisters this process of re-integration could go a lot smoother. I feel sorry for the people who are missing out on getting to know some phenomenal people because they allow the fact that they have a mental illness get in the way. We have a lot to learn from people with mental illnesses and if we just open our minds and hearts - a lot of growth can take place. So I ask you today to take a risk and learn more about mental illness. I am attaching a link to NAMI - the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Just take 10 minutes out of your day and take a look - open your heart and mind and you'll be amazed at what you learn.

http://www.nami.org/

Adoption - is it truly as wonderful as people say it is?

I've been told by many people how wonderful adoption is but I, as an adopted child beg to differ. Back in the 60's and 70's there were no open adoptions - you just turned your kid over and that was the end of it. Nobody thought of the long term effects this would have on the mother or the child. As an adoped child sometimes I sometimes feel guilty because I do not sing the praises of adoption but this is not because I do not love my adopted family - I do - the issue is I yearn daily for my roots. With closed adoptions the child has no way of knowing where they came from, do they look like their parents, do they have tendancies that there birth family has, what is our heritage and our geneology? They did not take good records back then and nobody can tell me what potential medical issues could be or are part of my genes. I want to know about my birth family. People say to me "well if you found them and they want nothing to do with you it was a waste of your time" - I disagree. If my birth family wants nothing to do with me that is fine - at least I can get some of questions answered and feel more secure in my own skin. Yes, it would hurt if they rejected me but I have to consider what they have gone through and the fact that they may not be prepared to allow me into their lives. I am not looking for another family - I have one that I love deeply - I am just looking for some answers. I will not feel like a whole person until I know my roots. This may sound over stated but think about it. You can see how your nose is like your fathers, or your built like your mother's side of the family, or that cancer runs in your family. What do I have - nothing. I have no clue - I am on this voyage called life and I have no road maps to help me out. I don't know what dangers lay ahead and I have no warning signs of what to look for. I can't say I look like anybody because there is nobody for me to look like. I do not blame the birth mothers for the choices they had to make. Many of them were forced by their families to give the child up - I do not hold them responsible. This mission I am on is not about placing blame or guilt on anyone. It is about finding my roots - finding some type of road map for my life. I know that my desire to search and find my birth family hurts my adopted family and that does sadden me. It is hard to get others to see where I am coming from without them thinking "why does she want to look when she has a perfect family right now." It has nothing to do with whether or not I like my adopted family. It is about finding my roots and nobody can give me those answers but my birth family. Just for one moment, just one moment - imagine that you did not know your name, your geneology, your family medical history, who you looked like in your family - then you tell me that it does not matter what your roots are. These things are the foundation of a persons life and they were taken away without anyone ever considering the harm it did to the child or the birth parents. Society is just starting to realize on some levels the harm that is did cause and more and more birth parents are doing open adoptions. This way the birth parents can stay involved in their child life on some level and the child can have some connection to their roots. Open adoptions does not negate the adopted families place in the childs life. Instead it allows the child the opportunity to know their roots while at the same time being able to be raised by a loving and caring family. The child will probably always consider their adopted family their true family but they will be able to have the opportunity to get to know their birth family and have connection to their roots. I am not against all adoption - I am against closed adoptions and thankfully those draconian days are almost over but the sad truth is many states refuse to open the records on the closed adoptions that happened during the 60's and 70's. Trying to get information from some states is like trying to break into Fort Knox. They make you go through numerous hoops and when you finally think you see the light at the end of tunnel - there is another hoop to jump through. States are hesitant to admit that their policies where harmful so they are resisting opening up the files. What we need is a united effort by adopted children to say "This was wrong and now you need to fix it!" I'm not sure if or when this will happen but until that day I will continue to fight for the right to know my birth family and my roots.

Sportmanship and the Olympics

So they have vindicated the wrestler who acted like a jerk at the winner's podium - but does this make his behavior right? In my opinion he had a right to be upset but to make a scene and disrupt the specialness of the moment for the other winner's is totally unacceptable. I understand that these athletes train for a lifetime for these games but the foundation of the games is sportsmanship and goodwill. Even if he was wronged he had no right to behave like a 2 year old. There was other ways he could have made his point without disgracing himself and his country. I am a very competitive person but have never felt the need to rub a win into an opponents face. I play hard but I play fair. My level of intensity has diminished over the years and I have recognized that being less competitive has allowed me to enjoy the game more and it has allowed me to develop relationships with my opponents - something that my over competitvness never allowed me to do in the past. I say if you win - go ahead and celebrate - you've worked hard for it but don't rub it in your opponents face. Sometimes the sign of a good winner is not how they handle losing but rather how they handle victory

Gay Marriage - Right or Wrong?

I was confronted with this issue yesterday. My mother said to me "You know the civil union was one thing but I do not approve of gay marriage." My response to her was "you do not have to approve of gay marriage to approve of your daughter." I have never tried to force the issue of gay marriage on anyone - especially my family. It really does not matter to me if other people approve of gay marriage. All I know is that I wanted to get married and it happened to be to a women. I do not understand what the big deal is but I am open to any feedback that people have because I really truely do not understand what the big deal is. Marriage to me was a big deal and I did not take it lightly. By marrying my wife it showed my commitment to her and to the union we have together. It was very important to me. I don't care about the so called rights and privileges you get for being married - that is not why I got married. To me marriage is a very sacred thing. It is my way to express my love and commitment to my wife and to our life together. I love my wife and will always be by her side. I do not ask that people approve of gay marriage I only ask that people be open enough to allow me and my wife in their lives. The subject of gay marriage does not even have to come up - just allow us to us and to be a part of your lives. I think people are missing out on so much by focusing on the issue of marriage. Just love the people in your life. You have a right to your opinion and they have a right to theirs. Just love them.

How do people justify hate?

They say that hate is something that is learned. I'm not sure about that. Sometimes I think people use hate as way to shield themselves from dealing with reality. Like the person who hates gay people because he is scared to death that someone may find out that he is gay. This makes no sense. You spend all your energy hating when you could be learning to love yourself for who you are and not hiding behind a false shield. I was told once that everyone hates something but I disagree with that. There are many things that I don't like but like my mother always said Hate is a strong word. There are many times I do not like other people actions but do I hate them - No! If we could all learn to love a little more and hate a little less this world would be a much better place. Hate is usually caused by ignorance. If we do not understand something or are afraid of something it is easier to hate then to spend the time exploring our feelings and learning to understand why we have them. Only then can we make a choice as to whether or not our THINKING was faulty. When we can admit we do not know or understand something it opens the door for learning and I bet if you tried this just once a day your world would be a much better place. My wish is for people to question what they have been taught to believe and to ask themselves if it really is true. So maybe as youngsters we learn certain things from our parents and the people in our environment but as adults we have the choice to continue to accept these beliefs. If they are not based on fact - something we have experienced then we have to ask ourselves why we continue to think that way. My challenge for you today is to think about one belief that you have and ask yourself whether it is based on fact or fiction and either way does that thinking enhance your world or diminish it. Please just try it once - you may be surprised by the results.