Mentors

What is a mentor? To me a mentor is someone that I look up to. This is something about them that inspires me and attracts me and others to them. I can say I have had about three really good mentors in my life. My mentors have been there for me through thick and thin. They have told me the truth even when it hurt. They have held me when I needed to cry and lent me an ear when I needed to vent. They have done nothing except be themselves. They hold a special place in my heart because they love me - just for being me. They do not place any expectations on our friendship and they do not ask for anything in return when they help me out. They are the people I can be my authentic self with and I do not feel any need to sugar coat the situation or be something I am not. They allow me to be me and are there when I fall down to help pick me up. I am thankful to these people because without them I would not be the person I am today. So to Randy and Marilyn I day thank you. Thank you for being you and thank you for allowing me to walk in your path when I needed to. My challenge for you today is to seek out your mentors and thank them. Let them know they are special and you appreciate them.

Promises

What is a promise? An oath that we are or aren't going to do something. How faithful are you to your promises? For years my friends would pick on me because they knew I wouldn't say the word promise unless I was certain I would follow through. That is how serious I take this word. I made a promise on my friends deathbed that I would never drink again and I haven't. If I promise to do something I do it. I take pride in that fact. A promise is an agreement between two people that you are going to follow through on a certain behavior. Promises should not be taken lightly. Your word should be worth its weight in gold. Your word is all you have that is truly yours. If you want to start living your life differently than think about how you use this word promise. My challenge for you today is to make a promise to someone and keep it - see how it makes you feel inside when you follow through on your word.

Stop Loss

I am not a real political person and try to avoid all conversation of the political matters but, I feel compelled to write about this because it has shook my world. How many of you know what this military term is? I found out the definition a little bit ago. What it is is simple. A soldier signs a contract with the military to serve a certain amount of time and then they are supposed to be discharged. Stop Loss is the practice by the government to stop the loss of valuable soldiers. The government can and does deny the soldiers the right to be discharged even though they have served their time. Yes, this is right. The soldier has served their tour of duty and that are told they must go back to war - with no questions asked. To me this is slavery. If the soldier has served their country admirably they have the right to leave when their tour is up. By the grace of God they have survived their tour and now want to come home - but they are denied that right. If your employer told you you could not leave when you got a better paying job, who would you react? We have to speak up for our soldiers and stop this practice. My challenge for you today is to call your local Congress or Senate person and stress your disgust with this practice. Your voice may pave the way to save a soldiers life.

Heaven or Hell?

When we were younger many of us were told we were going to hell because of a certain way we were acting. Back then I didn't understand the concept of Hell - not that it would have mattered. What I have learned as an adult is Hell is a place of our own making. It is not a place I can be sent or a place where "bad" people go. Hell is the trap we create for ourselves when we live against our own values. Only I, though my own behaviors can lead me to that direction. I believe that in our lifetimes we fluctuate between good and bad, Heaven and Hell - whatever you choose to call it. The key is to find that middle ground. How do I make my own reality one that is pleasurable for me. How do I get myself in situations that go against what I hold valuable to myself? My challenge for you today is to find that middle ground of your own making.

Illness

What have you been taught about illness? I was taught at a young age to suck it up and move on. You may think this is admirable but it is not. Because of this I have failed to listen to my own body and continued to due behaviors that hurt my body. There are times when you need to push through - like when you have a cold or tired legs - but you have to know when to say when. Your body is giving you a clue that something is not right and if you fail to listen - the situation will only get worse. I lost my best friend to cancer because she did not listen to her body and ignored all the warning signs that knocked on her door. There is another way this philosophy is not healthy for you - when you place that philosophy on another person. I have found that by expecting other people to do the same thing I am lacking compassion for them and their situation. I am saying "Your pain is not valid to me". I see this most in my own relationship. My partner has chronic pain and I have struggled to deal with that reality. If I am not aware of myself and my actions I find that I am lacking compassion and understanding for how she is feeling. She then gets angry and upset with me and that only makes her condition worse. I need to realize that other people do not have the same tolerance for pain and that other people are in better tune with their bodies. I need to respect that. I need to have compassion for my partner when she is in pain and willingly want to help her. I need to push through me own attitudes and show the love and caring that I have for her. This has been an on-going struggle for me but I will find that place of compassion. My challenge for you is to find that place of compassion and show it to someone in need today.

Honesty

Honesty is a tricky concept. Is honesty an action or a verb? I remember a time when honesty was my best value about myself. I was honest in my word and my deed. Even when the truth hurt I found a way to speak it without hurting the other person. Nowadays I find that honesty is lacking in my life. I stop myself from being totally honest because I fear the repurcussions of my honesty. I am not honest because I know I have done something wrong and I don't want to own up to it - I fear the consequences of telling the truth. I want to get back to that place where honesty was my way of life. If I am thinking of doing a certain behavior that I know will cause distress in my life - then I need to not do it - then I will have no reason to lie. If I know something is beyond my capabilities I need to be honest and say so. I have found the more dishonest I am in my life the more I do not like the person I am. My challenge for you today is to examine how honest you are in your life and how does dishonesty create distress for you? What can you do to bring more honesty into your life?

Rape

You may ask why I would choose this topic to discuss - well the reason is it is not talked about enough. It was brought into my world again this past week by a client of mine. In harrowing detail she described what had happened to her. There were parts of me that wanted to yell, cry and just hug her and tell her all would be ok, but that would have been a lie. Whether rape has happened in your own backyard, your neighborhood or as far away as Darfur - it effects us all. Rape is the ultimate violation of a persons boundaries. It is the total lack of respect and regard for another person. People can be raped physically or emotionally. When one does not respect another persons body or mind it is a form or rape. When have we done things we know were against another persons stated boundaries? We have to realize that some people do not know how to express their boundaries so it is our job to ask ourselves - would I want someone to say or do this to me? Rape is a very strong word but it is an intense violation of another person. I know this challenge will be hard for most of you but please just try it and if you need to share it with someone close to you do so. The challenge - have I ever violated the boundaries of another person - either physically or emotionally and how now knowing I did this what can I do to not repeat the behavior in the future?

A Reason, A Season or a Lifetime?

This little phrase means so much. What it means is people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. As I look back on my life many people have entered my life for reasons. They are the poeple who have taught me lessons and then moved on. Some, at the time I thought were my enemies, but in reality they were my teachers. Then I have had people in my life for seasons. Friends or foes that have been in my life for awhile. Joining me on my journey through life. They have stayed with me on whatever path I was on at the time, then they left. I see these people as my high school friends, old drinking buddies and old work associates. They played crucial roles in my life and taught me something about myself or helped me get through to the next phase in my life. Then lastly, are the friends that are here for a lifetime. These are the ones that have been through the twists and turns in my life and stayed by my side. At times they have stepped away allowing me time to grow and learn but in the end they were always waiting for me when I got back on my path. Lifetime friends love you warts and all. My challenge for you today is to look at the people who have passed t hrough your life and ask yourself what role did they fill in my life? Who are my lifetime friends and how do I know that?

Problems

We all have them - in all shapes and sizes. We are faced with problems on a daily basis. The issue is how do we see them? If we view them as outside of ourselves we lack the recognition needed to find resolution. When we are faced with a problem we need to look within - not without. The problem is not out there it is within ourselves. Something is happening in our world that is creating friction within. If we seek the answer from without we will never learn how to solve the problem for ourselves. We need to look within and find the resources within ourselves to solve the problem. If we do not have the needed skills to solve the problem then we must be willing to learn the needed skills. Only through self exploration and learning can we grow and mature. My challenge for you today is to look at a problem in your life and ask yourself "am I seeking answers from within or without? If you are seeking the answers from without, what do you need to do to solve the problem from within?

What if they had done it "right"?

What would have happened if Rosa had moved to the back of the bus or Martin Luther King had stopped marching???? Think about this - if these two people had done what they were ordered to do would we have a president elect Barrack Obama? Sometimes we have to go against the tide. It takes a strong person to stand up and say this is not right and I am no longer going to put up with this. Did you know that Jackie Robinson had to agree to not retaliate against hecklers (whether they were from his team or against him) before Branch Rickie would sign him? Just imagine how hard that must have been for him. Not only was he harassed by opposing teams and fans but his own teammates harassed him - but he did nothing accept play hard. It takes a very strong person to make a stand and to stick with it. Your challenge today is to ask yourself "What have I just settled for and what do I need due to take a stand and affect change?

Pain

Pain forces us to pay attention. Whatever is creating it we cannot run from it. We have a choice at this point to numb the pain with drugs, sex, money or simple avoidance - or do we deal with it? If we acknowledge the pain we can learn what is causing it and fix it. If we numb it we are holding off the inevitable. Sooner or later we will be forced to deal with the pain. As with a tooth if we ignore the pain we run the risk of the tooth dying or becoming infected. The same is true of our soul and spirit. If we deny emotional or spiritual pain we are killing a part of ourselves. What is it that we fear that we are willing to continually deal with this pain? My challenge for you today is to acknowledge your pain in whatever shape or form and see what that pain is trying to tell you. Maybe if you listen to it you can find a way to make the pain go away........

Non-judgement

How many of us go through life labeling things as good or bad, right or wrong, up or down? What would happen if we just accepted what is - with no judgement. Wouldn't life be so much simpler? We complicate things by placing judgements on them. We cannot accept things just for what they are. We have been taught that everything needs to have a value placed on it. I have learned that if I accept things exactly for what they are, life is so much simpler. I do not complicate myself with all the why and why not questions. I just accept what is. By accepting I am acknowledging it's presence and moving on. My challenge for you today is to accept. Thank about that one thing you are struggling over - what would happen is you just accepted it? Write about how it made you feel to just accept it - with no strings attached.

The POWER of silence

Silence - something so many of us run from. We fear silence because we do not know what lies ahead. We feel the need to fill in all the gaps - afraid of what may fill the space if we don't. I have been around people who fear Silence. It makes them uncomfortable and they question or fear what lies ahead. I have learned to love the Silence. It says so much if we are willing to listen. Have you ever been around someone in great pain? Their pain makes us uncomfortable so we feel the need to fill the silence, but what would happen if we just allowed them to absorb that silence? That silence is the place of learning for both of us. It allows them to truely feel and experience their feelings. It allows us to comfort and support - no words are needed - they will usually only fall on deaf ears. People in pain can usually not hear. I have had to learn how to love the silence because I, like most people was taught to rush through the silence and fill all the gaps. The silence made us uncomfortable. Now I just listen and give the person the space they need to share. Silence has taught me so much about others but more importantly about myself. My challenge for you today is to allow the silence - sit in it - experience it. What did you learn by allowing the silence? How did the other person react?

Daily Inventory

Those of you who are familiar with 12 Step programs know what a daily inventory is. A daily inventory is when you take time at the end of every day to reflect on what has happened in your day and what can you learn from the events and interactions you had. We assess what went well for us and what we can improve on. It is not a time to put ourselves down for mistakes made but rather a time to learn and grow. We are our best teachers. Taking just 15 minutes for yourself to due this would be such a good lesson for you. My challenge for you today is to due an inventory tonight and see what you learned about yourself. Use the knowledge you learned today to make a different tomorrow.

Letting Go

Letting go means I no longer need to control everything. It's letting my Higher Power due the work for me that I cannot. It's being able to step aside and saying "I can do nothing more about whatever". It's trusting that what will be - will be. It's learning I don't always have to be in control of everything because in reality all I have control over is my own actions and thoughts. By hodling onto I am resisting the natural course of things. I put a dam in the natural evolution of things. I need to step aside and let whatever happen - happen. This is a big leap of faith for most of us but until we learn how to do this we will not have peace in our life. It is fruitless to fight what will be. We have to really think about why we always feel the need to be in control. What are we so afraid of? My challenge for you today is to think about what you are holding onto and asking yourself why and then ask what do I have to gain by letting go of this?

Asking for help

For a long time I thought asking for help was a sign of weakness. I thought I had to do everything myself and if I did not succeed I was a failure. I have learned over the years that asking for help is a sign of strength. We cannot do everything ourselves and by allowing others to help us we multiply the chance of success. Asking for help means that we cannot do it ourselves. We are human. There are going to be times we need the help of our family and friends. We have to give them a chance to help us. Asking for help does not mean the other person has to help us - but it gives them a chance if they can. Sometimes the best way to help someone is to not help. To allow the person to learn how to do it one their own. It could be the best lesson they learn. We have to realize that there are going to be times in our lives where we cannot tackle the mountain ourselves. We need others to help us over the mountain. A true friend will help you over the mountain but will not due the work for you. I like knowing I don't have to share the whole burden myself. We grow when we ask others for help. My challenge for you today is really simple - Ask someone for help. Let me know how it felt to reach out and let another person assist you.

Mourning those we have lost -

How do we mourn those whe have passed on? I think there are various ways we can do it. Your religion or faith may have a certain practices to help you grieve. I think the way we mourn those who have gone before us is to honor their spirit everyday. In all our actions and deeds we honor what we loved about them. Whether it was their honesty, faith or hardwork. By living a good life in the present we set examples for those who will go after us. My challenge for you today is how can you honor the spirit of someone who has gone before you?