Suicide

People may ask why I write about this topic - well - the reason is that suicide has reached epidemic proportions and nobody is talking about it. Suicide is an issue for every age group and we need to start paying attention. Being one that has attempted suicide on numerous occasions I know what it is like to feel like there are no solutions and there is nobody that can help you. Suicide has a stigma attached to it and nobody likes to talk about it for fear if they talk about it the person will follow through with their plans. In reality, talking about it helps the individual process their feelings and start to feel like they are not alone in their struggles. I consider myself blessed that when I reached those points in my life there were people that reached out to me - both before and after. I don't think that I truly wanted to die - I just wanted the pain to end and I could see no other solutions. We need to start talking about suicide in the schools, places of employment and in senior citizens centers. Suicide discussion needs to be out in the open and people need to feel safe talking about it.

Inspiration - Where does it come from?

I've been thinking about this since I watched Michelle Obama's speech the other night. I started to think about what inspires me to get up everyday? What inspires me to do the work that I do. Many people tell me they could never due the work that I do. Working with people with persistent mental illness and drug addiction can be very trying. You meet people from all walks of life. Some of them have family that support them and others are out there trying to make it on their own. Others have money and can afford to pay for treatment, but there are many that cannot afford treatment and only by the grace of their higher power are they able to get help. Some come to treatment because they really want to be there and others are only there to do time. These are the ones that are the hardest but most rewarding to treatment. With patience and skill you can get the ones that first come to due time to really want treatment and want to make changes in their lives. What I have to remember everyday is that I may only be working with one person but that one person probably touches the lives of at least ten other people. These can be family members, co-workers, friends and people they just meet on the street. If I can be a force in their life to change how they think and act then they have the capability to touch at least ten other people in the same way. If we all just thought this way - not just social workers. If we could just think that the way I treat this person in front of me today the way I want to be treated then it will have a ripple effect on at least ten other people. So for today - try to treat that difficult person in your life with care and tenderness and to tell the people in your life that you love them and appreciate them. Just think of the effect you could have on the world. Remember it starts with just one person. You could be the person to change the world today. Leave me feedback and tell me how your day went. I'd be interested in seeing how changing your perspective had an effect on the people around you.

Money - Friend or Foe?

We live in a society were money means power. This is really scary to me. To think that the hands of a few control the many.....I have always hated money. Yeah, it is nice to have but in the long run all it has every done is cause problems. We think that money makes us happy but that is so false. It is people that make us happy - things that you cannot buy like love, friendship, warmth. These things cannot be bought. We think because we cannot due something because of money that our whole day is ruined - this is so false. There are so many things you can do that require no money. Go to the local library, the state museum, a local park, a shopping mall. You do not need to have money to have a good time. We have to stop thinking that money makes the world go round. Yes, I like to go out to eat occasionally but I don't HAVE to do this. Use the resources that are in your community. Spend sometime in nature. Go for a walk and enjoy what Mother Earth has given to us. Instead of thinking of all the things you don't have - think of the things that you do have. These are the things that memories are made of - not money.

Stigma - Mental Illness

Why does stigma exist? I believe I will be repeating myself again but I believe stigma exists because people are not educated and choose to hate instead of understand. As one with a mental illness I have dealt with stigma. I have met people who when I shared that I had a mental illness they tried to pity me - like I had some fatal disease. Mental illness is a disease but I do not ask for pity just understanding. Many of us fear what we do not understand and mental illness can be hard to understand. Mental illness is sometimes scary for the people who have it as well as the loved ones who are trying to support them. Many years ago we locked people up who had a mental illness. State hospitals are just starting to be closed down and we are re-integrating these people back into the community. But communities are scared. They do not want "Those people" in their backyards. They support the closures but are afraid to have people with mental illnesses in their neighborhoods. If they only knew how many people with mental illness already live in their neighborhoods. Due to poor planning by the states, the communities have not been educated so they are left to their own imaginations. People with mental illness are just like you and me. They have their good days and their bad days. Some must take medication on a daily basis and others just need the support of a therapist or case manager. If we could just help our brothers and sisters this process of re-integration could go a lot smoother. I feel sorry for the people who are missing out on getting to know some phenomenal people because they allow the fact that they have a mental illness get in the way. We have a lot to learn from people with mental illnesses and if we just open our minds and hearts - a lot of growth can take place. So I ask you today to take a risk and learn more about mental illness. I am attaching a link to NAMI - the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Just take 10 minutes out of your day and take a look - open your heart and mind and you'll be amazed at what you learn.

http://www.nami.org/

Adoption - is it truly as wonderful as people say it is?

I've been told by many people how wonderful adoption is but I, as an adopted child beg to differ. Back in the 60's and 70's there were no open adoptions - you just turned your kid over and that was the end of it. Nobody thought of the long term effects this would have on the mother or the child. As an adoped child sometimes I sometimes feel guilty because I do not sing the praises of adoption but this is not because I do not love my adopted family - I do - the issue is I yearn daily for my roots. With closed adoptions the child has no way of knowing where they came from, do they look like their parents, do they have tendancies that there birth family has, what is our heritage and our geneology? They did not take good records back then and nobody can tell me what potential medical issues could be or are part of my genes. I want to know about my birth family. People say to me "well if you found them and they want nothing to do with you it was a waste of your time" - I disagree. If my birth family wants nothing to do with me that is fine - at least I can get some of questions answered and feel more secure in my own skin. Yes, it would hurt if they rejected me but I have to consider what they have gone through and the fact that they may not be prepared to allow me into their lives. I am not looking for another family - I have one that I love deeply - I am just looking for some answers. I will not feel like a whole person until I know my roots. This may sound over stated but think about it. You can see how your nose is like your fathers, or your built like your mother's side of the family, or that cancer runs in your family. What do I have - nothing. I have no clue - I am on this voyage called life and I have no road maps to help me out. I don't know what dangers lay ahead and I have no warning signs of what to look for. I can't say I look like anybody because there is nobody for me to look like. I do not blame the birth mothers for the choices they had to make. Many of them were forced by their families to give the child up - I do not hold them responsible. This mission I am on is not about placing blame or guilt on anyone. It is about finding my roots - finding some type of road map for my life. I know that my desire to search and find my birth family hurts my adopted family and that does sadden me. It is hard to get others to see where I am coming from without them thinking "why does she want to look when she has a perfect family right now." It has nothing to do with whether or not I like my adopted family. It is about finding my roots and nobody can give me those answers but my birth family. Just for one moment, just one moment - imagine that you did not know your name, your geneology, your family medical history, who you looked like in your family - then you tell me that it does not matter what your roots are. These things are the foundation of a persons life and they were taken away without anyone ever considering the harm it did to the child or the birth parents. Society is just starting to realize on some levels the harm that is did cause and more and more birth parents are doing open adoptions. This way the birth parents can stay involved in their child life on some level and the child can have some connection to their roots. Open adoptions does not negate the adopted families place in the childs life. Instead it allows the child the opportunity to know their roots while at the same time being able to be raised by a loving and caring family. The child will probably always consider their adopted family their true family but they will be able to have the opportunity to get to know their birth family and have connection to their roots. I am not against all adoption - I am against closed adoptions and thankfully those draconian days are almost over but the sad truth is many states refuse to open the records on the closed adoptions that happened during the 60's and 70's. Trying to get information from some states is like trying to break into Fort Knox. They make you go through numerous hoops and when you finally think you see the light at the end of tunnel - there is another hoop to jump through. States are hesitant to admit that their policies where harmful so they are resisting opening up the files. What we need is a united effort by adopted children to say "This was wrong and now you need to fix it!" I'm not sure if or when this will happen but until that day I will continue to fight for the right to know my birth family and my roots.

Sportmanship and the Olympics

So they have vindicated the wrestler who acted like a jerk at the winner's podium - but does this make his behavior right? In my opinion he had a right to be upset but to make a scene and disrupt the specialness of the moment for the other winner's is totally unacceptable. I understand that these athletes train for a lifetime for these games but the foundation of the games is sportsmanship and goodwill. Even if he was wronged he had no right to behave like a 2 year old. There was other ways he could have made his point without disgracing himself and his country. I am a very competitive person but have never felt the need to rub a win into an opponents face. I play hard but I play fair. My level of intensity has diminished over the years and I have recognized that being less competitive has allowed me to enjoy the game more and it has allowed me to develop relationships with my opponents - something that my over competitvness never allowed me to do in the past. I say if you win - go ahead and celebrate - you've worked hard for it but don't rub it in your opponents face. Sometimes the sign of a good winner is not how they handle losing but rather how they handle victory

Gay Marriage - Right or Wrong?

I was confronted with this issue yesterday. My mother said to me "You know the civil union was one thing but I do not approve of gay marriage." My response to her was "you do not have to approve of gay marriage to approve of your daughter." I have never tried to force the issue of gay marriage on anyone - especially my family. It really does not matter to me if other people approve of gay marriage. All I know is that I wanted to get married and it happened to be to a women. I do not understand what the big deal is but I am open to any feedback that people have because I really truely do not understand what the big deal is. Marriage to me was a big deal and I did not take it lightly. By marrying my wife it showed my commitment to her and to the union we have together. It was very important to me. I don't care about the so called rights and privileges you get for being married - that is not why I got married. To me marriage is a very sacred thing. It is my way to express my love and commitment to my wife and to our life together. I love my wife and will always be by her side. I do not ask that people approve of gay marriage I only ask that people be open enough to allow me and my wife in their lives. The subject of gay marriage does not even have to come up - just allow us to us and to be a part of your lives. I think people are missing out on so much by focusing on the issue of marriage. Just love the people in your life. You have a right to your opinion and they have a right to theirs. Just love them.

How do people justify hate?

They say that hate is something that is learned. I'm not sure about that. Sometimes I think people use hate as way to shield themselves from dealing with reality. Like the person who hates gay people because he is scared to death that someone may find out that he is gay. This makes no sense. You spend all your energy hating when you could be learning to love yourself for who you are and not hiding behind a false shield. I was told once that everyone hates something but I disagree with that. There are many things that I don't like but like my mother always said Hate is a strong word. There are many times I do not like other people actions but do I hate them - No! If we could all learn to love a little more and hate a little less this world would be a much better place. Hate is usually caused by ignorance. If we do not understand something or are afraid of something it is easier to hate then to spend the time exploring our feelings and learning to understand why we have them. Only then can we make a choice as to whether or not our THINKING was faulty. When we can admit we do not know or understand something it opens the door for learning and I bet if you tried this just once a day your world would be a much better place. My wish is for people to question what they have been taught to believe and to ask themselves if it really is true. So maybe as youngsters we learn certain things from our parents and the people in our environment but as adults we have the choice to continue to accept these beliefs. If they are not based on fact - something we have experienced then we have to ask ourselves why we continue to think that way. My challenge for you today is to think about one belief that you have and ask yourself whether it is based on fact or fiction and either way does that thinking enhance your world or diminish it. Please just try it once - you may be surprised by the results.