Work

So many of us define ourselves by what we do for living. We have been taught since a young age that what we do for a living defines who we are – but what we do for a living is such a small part of our world. Who we are as a spouse, friend, community member. Is our world so small that all have is our work? I must admit that a large part of who I am is evident by the profession I chose but I would be the same person if I wasn’t working in this field. When I was fired from a job it took a big toll on my self esteem. I realized during that time what a big emphasis I put on working. I was lost and didn’t know what to do with myself. I realized during that time that there is so much more to my life than just work. I was missing out on so much life because of my consumption of work. I was neglecting other things in my life. Once I started to work again my priorities shifted. I stopped bringing work home nightly. I didn’t spend my weekends doing work. Instead I took time to spend with my spouse and friends. We need to prioritize what is important in our life because life is too short. Spend time doing the things you enjoy. My challenge for you today is for you to honestly evaluate the role work plays in your life. Are you neglecting other areas of your life?

The Wonder of Winter

Winter is such a beautiful time of the year. It is when the Great Spirit pauses and brings such beauty into our lives. I see Winter as the time for rejuvenation. Animals go into hibernation. We humans sometimes struggle with the loss of sunlight. For me Winter is the time for me to pause and reflect on my life. What has been going well and what do I need to work on? The days seem shorter and I tend to get restless during the winter months. I can’t wait to see what the New Year has to offer me. I love seeing snow and basking in the beautiful glory the Great Spirit has put on this earth. My challenge for you today is to take time to pause in your day and reflect on the gifts Winter has to offer you.

Foundations

They are the building blocks of all things. They are the initial steps you take to complete a job. When I think of a foundation I think of a house. The foundation is the building blocks for the beautiful house that is to be. If you do not set a firm foundation the house will collapse. So many of us are rushing through life we fail to set a good foundation and then wonder why we fail. We wonder why the things we did do not work out and when we look back we can see we had little foundation to build off of. In relationships we rush in before really getting to know the other person and then wonder why the relationship does not work out. We have to remember that even though foundations take time to build in the long run they save us from such heartache and disappointment. My challenge for you today is to examine the foundations you have built – what ones need some work?

Asking for what you need

So many of us are afraid to ask for what we need. We hedge and haw hoping that the other person will figure out what we are asking for. When the person does not get it we get frustrated and sometimes angry. We believe people should read our minds – especially the people we love. What makes it so hard for us to just ask for what we need? I think for some of us we are afraid that our need will not be met or we will be putting the other person out. Truth be told it is up to the other person to decide whether or not they can meet our need. If the person says yes and then are resentful it is on them not us. We have to learn how to express our needs in a clear way so they are easy to understand by the other person. We will never know if the other person can meet the need unless we ask. My challenge for you today is to clearly ask for what you need – with no expectations placed on the need.

Breathe

This is such a simple concept but one that is so hard for many of us. When things get really tough in your life you have to remember to breathe. To really focus on yourself and your actions – you need to remember to breathe. Self meditation is such an important thing to remember to do in our lives. So many times we get so caught up in whatever that we forget this really simple concept. Breathing helps us slow down and reflect what is going on in our life. My challenge for you today is to attempt to pause today and just breathe. Did it help you get through the situation easier?

Why?

I was listening to a song and it asked this question – “Why do we kill people who are killing people to show that killing people is wrong?” I think this is a pretty big question as a society that we need to answer. Whether it is war or the death penalty what message are we trying to send? I have always believed in both but this causes me to pause and really question my beliefs. I believe that this philosophy has been around for so long that most of us have never paused to question it. Why? Why do we believe that what is technically murder is ok? How do we justify our beliefs and behaviors? My challenge for you today is for you to attempt to answer the “Why”. I do not have an answer for you because I am still stuck on the “Why” myself so maybe you can come up with an answer.

The Past

We all have a past. Some of us look at our past with regrets or what if’s. So many people waste their present living in the past. The is over with – you cannot change it. All you can do is to live you present with the best of intent. I did a lot of things in my past that I am not proud of, but I see them as learning experiences. I would not be the person I am today if I had not gone through my past. I have made my amends where I could and the rest I have let go of. I’ve learned that when I focus on the past I am wasting precious time in the present and future. The past has happened for a reason and even if I cannot understand it all right now the time will come when I will. For now I am just happy being alive today and enjoying the moment right now. My challenge for you today is to ask yourself “What am I holding onto from the past and what do I need to do to let it go so I can live in today?

Want vs Need

What is the difference between a Want and a Need? To me a want is something I would like to have – a need is something I have to have like food, water, and clothing. I think many of us get the words mixed up. We say we Need to have X when in all actuality it would be nice to have it but I do not NEED it. We all have things in our life that we feel like we have to have. For some it is money, others is Fame but these are all just false beliefs. These things may make us happy in the short-term but over time they loose their attractiveness and we find another “Need”. I admit I am guilty of this. I sometimes have to really challenge myself. Do I really need those cupcakes or is toilet paper more important? I think most of us deal with this dragon of Want frequently. Bottom line is “What do I need in my life to survive – bare minimum” – after that it is all Want. So the challenge for today is to ask yourself this very question – “want vs need?”

Silence

So many people cannot handle silence. Every minute of everyday has to be crammed with sensory overload. What would happen if we just listened without talking? What would you notice? As a therapist I had to learn how to use silence as a therapeutic tool. How to use that pause to give myself and my client’s time to think and collect ourselves. I found out just how powerful silence is. My partner is a very gregarious and loves to talk. She is always thinking and talking. I had to work long and hard with her to allow me silence just for myself. That sometimes silence was the answer that we were seeking. I enjoy my silence and when I don’t get that space on a daily basis I get edgy and cranky. We as a society need to learn how to slow down and just Breathe. My challenge for you today is to consciously put pauses in your day today. How hard was it for you? Did you learn anything about yourself?

Charity

For many people charity means donating time, money or something else to another individual, organization or cause. Many people don’t know but America was built on the concept of charity – ordinary people helping others in times of need. How many times have you been charitable without expecting some reward, payback or tax break? Charity to me means sacrificing myself to help someone in a situation different – not always worse from myself. Do I lend that friend 5$ for gas or do I use it for tobacco? Di I give up a day with friends to visit peers or friends shut in due to illness or disability? There are ways each of us can show charity every single day. It means stepping out of my own mess long enough to give my attention to another. I can promise you that if you gave one act of charity a day you would be a happier and healthier individual. So my challenge for you today is to show an act of charity with no strings attached. Did it change your day?

Intimacy

Is intimacy a physical/emotional or spiritual thing? Is it a combination of all three? I have been thinking long and hard about this term. If we equate sex with intimacy does it mean we are not intimate people if we do not have sex? I find that I can be a very intimate person without any physical contact with another person. I feel that I am intimate in how I relate to others on a soul to soul basis. I also feel that on a spiritual level I am very intimate with myself. My relationship to myself defines how intimate I am with who I am as an overall person. Intimacy can be created in many situations and in all languages. Sometimes what blocks us being intimate is we fear being vulnerable or getting hurt = but all those things are a part of life. People come and go from out lives and it is up to us how close we choose to get to those people. My challenge for you today is to evaluate your level of intimacy at home, work, with your friends and with your peers. Do you have the level of intimacy you would like to have? How can you increase your level of intimacy?

Colors

We all have our likes and dislikes. We have gone through phases in our lives when one or two colors were more popular than other colors. Many of us can define ourselves by our current scheme. I have found that I fall for more of the earth based tones. To me it is a return to my beliefs and the colors wear is an extension of that. I know that for whatever reason there are certain colors that just are not me. I’m sorry but I know I could never see myself in classic yellow. I would look like a huge lemon – just my opinion. I feel that colors help me express who I am. There are so many ways to add color into you lives. My challenge for you today is to ask yourself - What are my colors and what do they say about me?

Holidays

I grew up in a family that celebrated holidays with family. Family played a major role in my upbringing and I feel family should play a major role in a childs upbringing. Reality is family is becoming less and less important these days. We are so busy supporting our families financially we don’t have the time to support them emotionally and phsycially. Family is so important. It is our roots and and helps us remember what is really important in this world. Due to circumstances beyond my control I am no longer close to my family and I miss that. I miss the traditions and the time spent getting to know my nieces and nephews. This is time I can never get back again. I have made my own family now and am working on building new traditions- but I still miss the real thing. Not only do I miss out on seeing my family but my partner misses out on getting to know some really great people. My challenge for you today is: “Is there ways you can build or strengthen the relationship you have with your family? What is holding you back from making this happen?

Illness

This is something I do not do well with. I will fight illness to the bitter end before I admit that I am sick. I’m not saying this is a good thing – it isn’t. I do not listen to my body and there is a price you pay for that. Our body has this way of telling us when something it wrong with it. Something is swollen, red or itchy. Our body is sending us a signal that we need to pay attention. I fail to pay attention to this signal. I am so stubborn I place myself at risk because I have the faulty belief that only weak people get sick! I know in my brain that this is false but I still fight it on a constant basis. I need to find a happy medium that is healthy for me. My challenge for you today is “What is your body telling you and what are you doing to listen to it?

What matters?????

I have been thinking about this topic a lot lately. I have experienced people I care about lose almost everything that matters to them. I myself have been struggling to survive financially and every day is a struggle. I remember when I first got clean - I had nothing but really I had everything. I had lost all the material possessions that I had carted around with me my whole life but I had the most important thing left - myself. I didn't really understand that at the time but now I realize how valuable that gift was. I for once had the freedom to be myself with no strings attached. I was free to choice what I wanted to do with my life and how I wanted to live my life. I think that sometimes we forget this. We get caught up in the material side of life and forget what really matters. I would give up every material thing I owned to maintain the freedom I have to be me. I am a valuable person and I matter. Everything that I own can be taken from me but they cannot take what is most important - myself. My challenge for you today is to stop and reflect on what really matters in your life. Do you really need that CD or piece of clothing or is there something more important you can do with that money - like donate it to a charity or buy some food for a family in need. How can you pay it forward today?

Being the Light

I have been thinking about this idea for some time now. We have a lot of options in life. We can bring good or bad into this world. We can choose to focus on all the drama that goes on day in and day out or we can focus on what really matters to us. When I talk about being the light I am talking about being the one that brings things into focus. The individual that can see through all the chaos and see the true diamond that is hidden. It brings to mind to me a picture I once saw. A family had lost their entire home to a natural disaster and the little girl in the picture was looking at the scraps of materials left from her dolls. It made me think about what must be going through her mind at that time. If we are going to be the light we have to be the one that does not allow all the fluff of the world to cloud our vision. We have to be able to see the good that is in all of us. My challenge for you today is simple: Instead of complicating your life today how can you simply your life? How can you change your vision of something and take it to its bare minimum? What does really matter in all the fluff that you see?

Why do we love chaos?????

I was asked this question today and it is not an easy one to answer. For many of us we grew up in chaos and it is the only life we know. When there is not chaos in our lives we do not know how to act or behave - so we create chaos - even when it hurts us or the people around us. People that grew up in dysfunctional homes are used to chaos - it is their reality. The hard part is when you try to go from the adolescent living the chaos to an adult in an adult relationship. If we match up with someone who did not grow up in chaos they question why we always have to complicate things. Why things can't be calm and just "normal" but, to us chaos is normal. It is only after we have been hurt many times do we start to question whether our way of doing things is really the right way. After we have loved and lost many times. After we have gone through an addiction or the loss of numerous jobs. Chaos is filled with loss. It eats away at your self esteem and your concept of sanity. It takes a strong person to come to the reality that chaos is not normal in day to day life. That the adrenaline rush they get from the initial chaos is not worth the mountain of heartache that will follow. A person who is used to chaos struggles on a moment to moment basis to handle things without adding drama to the situation. It is not that they are actively seeking out drama it is just that they know no other way of getting their needs met. To love someone that craves chaos takes a lot of patience. It is hard to change this behavior. The first step is to realize that you are in that cycle. Once you realize you are in that cycle you have to make a conscious decision to change it - and that takes a lot of patience on every ones part. It is possible to change and to learn how to deal with calmness or as some people like to call it mindfulness. My challenge for you today is to try to see the chaos people in your life in a different life. Try to put yourself in their shoes and see things from their reality. If you can try to bring some mindfulness to their life. You never know what an extra five minutes of your time could do for this person.

Alcoholics and Addicts

We have all seen how addicts and alcoholics can be vilified but, in reality they are people just like you and I. They have a disease that keeps them from seeing how sick they really are. You on the outside can see the destruction that is occurring in their lives but they cannot see what you do. Just like the diabetic who keeps eating the candy bar - one one level they know that candy bar is bad for them but on the conscious level they are just satisfying a need. The addict or alcoholic is satisfying the need to either create or negate a feeling. They know no other way of doing it. Many times if you ask them why they drink or use they cannot tell you because they real don't know the answer. They just know that the drink or drug changes their feeling reality for awhile and helps them survive. A person in recovery has to learn about their feelings and how to cope with them without using. This is not an overnight process. It takes time and a lot of patience and hard work. Recovery is not a linear process. Rather it is one that has many ups and downs. The addict/alcoholic needs to be encouraged and helped through both parts of the cycle. They are going to make their share of mistakes but that is the only way they will learn. Many of us had great role models when we were growing up and learned the basics of life. In reality, many people who are addicted to whatever the substance or thing is did not have great role models. They do not know any other way of acting. We tell them they need to change but then do not want to take the time to teach them or guide them through the process of change. We just want instant success. That is not based in reality. Change takes time and if we really love that person we will work with them to get to that point. But one must be patient and be willing to go through the good and bad cycles to get to that point. My challenge for you today is to reach out to someone who is addicted - whether they know it or not - and just offer to help. This could be a simple gesture to just listen to their reality or it could be something more concrete like offering to take them to a twelve step meeting. The gesture does not have to be something big just something that says "Hey, I'm here and care and love you just the way you are right now" - no strings attached.

Paying it forward

Everbody probably knows what this phase means - but for those who don't I will do a brief explanation. Paying it forward it when someone does you a favor and you in return due a favor for someone else. This is not a gesture that is done in fanfare - but rather one that is done silently without the expectation of acknowledgement or reward. I had a course in this miracle today. Many years when I first got clean my initial therapist helped me through the rough patches. She helped me find a place to live, clothes on my back and food for my belly. I had the chance to due something similar today - and boy what a feeling! It felt so great to be able to due something - no matter how small it was. I made a difference and in return I changed the course of someone else's world. This person was not expecting anything from me - it was a gesture that was done at the spur of the moment with no thought on my part. I did it because it felt right and by the persons expression I know it was the right thing to do. I could tell by the gleam in her eye that I had done something that could never and would never need to be repayed. I told her about the concept of paying it forward and that someday someone would be in a similar situation as herself and it would be her turn to pay it forward. She would know when that time was and how to act. Paying it forward does not require thought - it requires heart. So my challenge for you today is to think about some gesture that you recieved that changed your world that you can pay forward to someone in need today. I make you a bet you will feel like a whole new person when you do this - just trust me.

Reality is Just a Word

If you think about it but reality is just a word. It is how we percieve something in a given moment in time. The thing with reality is it can change at the drop of a hat. Our perceptions change depending on the time, who we are with and what we are doing. We can change our reality if we choose to. Reality does not need to be a constant thing. If we are not happy with something we have the ability to change it. We first have to acknowledge it and then decide whether or not we want to do anything about it. If we are not happy with something than it is up to us to change it. If was are miserable then we have to decide that we want a better way of life. We can moan and groan about our circumstances or we can decide to do something about it. We have to decide that we are not happy with the circumstances and then we can start to do something about it. I guess my challenge for you today is to define your reality. What is the "real" you and what are your happy or unhappy with and decide to do something about it.