Trauma

I always tell myself that I have heard the worst of it all and then all of a sudden another client sits before me and bares their soul and I realize I have not heard the worst of it. I wonder how these clients can go on with their lives? What motivates them to get out of bed each day. It saddens me to see how one human can hurt another with no regard for the other person. We are supposed to care for one another as humans and not do anything intentionally to hurt each other - but we do and we do so intentionally. What motivates a person to take advantage of someone with no regard with how they are hurting that person. It seems to me that we as a society have forgotten that we are our brothers keepers. We have forgotten that what we due comes back to us tenfold. When we hurt another person it is bound to come back to us - in some way, shape or form. Trauma is not something that just goes away. Trauma stays with a person for the rest of their lives. Some people can move past it but many are scarred for life. The scary part is the people who are most often the perpetrators are people that the person knew and trusted the most. How can a person move past trauma when their very foundation of trust has been broken? We have to reach out to these wounded souls and offer our support and trust. My challenge to you today is to reach out to one of these wounded souls and listen, truely listen to their pain and offer solace and support. You do not have to fix the problem - you can't - but you can offer them a safe haven in which to share their pain.

Heredity or Environment?

I've been wondering about this a lot lately. Is it our environment or our heredity that predicts our future. I have met countless people who have come from a heredity backround that is awlful and have made wonderful strides in their lives. On the other hand, I had met many people who have come from horrible environments and have struggled to survive in this life. I myself believe it is a combination of the two. If we come from a good heredity it helps us deal with the bad environment. If we come from a bad heredic backround sometimes the best of environments cannot help us. I have found in my work that if I can help improve the environment of my clients then they can overcome almost any herditary backround. As adults we can make choices we cannot make as children. We can make choices that empower us rather than ones that diminish us. Hereditary does play a role in who we are and who we become but after a certain point it does come down to the choices we make as adults. We can blame our parents and our hereditary for forever but bottom line it comes down to the choices we make. So my challenge for you today is; What choices are you going to make today that break the hereditary cycle and get you moving onto the path of healing?

Being who you were meant to be

Have you even stopped and wondered if you were really happy with the person you are. I can say that through out the years I have done this and sometimes I liked the answer and sometimes I did not. I am at one of those points in my life where I do not like the person I currently am. I do not like my lack of patience, excuse making and overall attitude towards life in general. I am the one that has to make the choice to change these behaviors. They have not been pointed out to me by other people rather I was able to recognize them by just sitting back and reflecting on my life. I am not happy with me so I am the one that has to change - no one else. I have to find that center in my life where I was peaceful and content. The journey to get to that point again I believe will be a painful one but one that has to happen. If you are not happy with the person you are then you are the one that has to make the changes. One cannot expect other people to change their behaviors or attitudes. To think that will only aggravate you more and keep you from being at the place you want to be - that center. So my challenge for you today is to ask yourself "Do I like the person I currently am?" and if the answer is No what are you willing to do about it. Remember you make your own version of happiness!

Language

Words are very powerful things. They can used to help or to hurt. So many people are not aware of how they speak on a day to day basis. We use phrases like "I'd die for it" or "I'll shoot him" and don't realize how violent our language is. We don't take the time to really listen how we are talking to others or even to ourselves. Language can be used to develop eliquent sonnets and beautiful and powerful speeches. If was could just listen to the way we talk to each other we would be surprised to realize how violent our language really is. We live in a society were everything is fast paced and answers are wanted immediately. We don't take the time to really develop relationships with each other. If we took the time to really connect to the people in our lives I bet that how we talk to each other would change. If we took the time to listen and connect with the people in our lives our way of communicating with each other will change. We have to start really listening to ourselves and the way we communicate our wants and needs. Are things really "to die for"???? My challenge for you this next week is to start to listen to how you talk not only to others but about your own life. Are you words warm and inviting or are they threatening and violent? You be the judge - how do I really express myself?????

Pride - Compliments

Pride to me is defined as finding joy in a job well done. I have always had a hard time with this concept. For a long time I felt that if I showed pride in things I did I would be seen as conceited. When people would give me compliments I would downplay them or give an accuse as to why it was not true. I never learned how to accept the positive praise that I received - it always made me feel uncomfortable. One day I was talking to a mentor about this issue and she told me to learn how to just say "Thank you". By doing this I am acknowledging to the person that I appreciated their compliment and I am also allowing a part of me to acknowledge that I did something well. I have worked hard on this over the past ten years and some days it is still a struggle. I am often complimented about how good a therapist I am and I have learned how to thank the person but at the same time let them be aware of the part that they have played in their growth. It is funny but I have always wanted to be told how good I was doing but when it happened I didn't know how to handle it. So my challenge for you today is: When someone gives you a compliment - accept it and 2) Give someone a compliment and see how they respond to it. Depending upon their response see if you can talk to them about how not accepting your compliment made you feel and explore with them why they did not accept your compliment without question - you may be surprised at their response.

Being humble

They tell you in 12 Step rooms that you need to learn to be humble. I am a very humble person to the point that I have a very hard time accepting compliments from other people. I find it hard to accept the praise that people give me and I sometimes get embarrassed when people give me praise. As a child I did not receive a lot of praise and was always told to not get a big head so I never learned how to take pride in my accomplishments. I have slowly learned over the past 20 years how to take compliments and how to accept praise - but sometimes it is still hard. When people ask me how many years clean I have and I tell them 20 years they start to give me all this praise. I thank them for the compliments but I tell them that I am just like them - all I have is today - tomorrow is unknown. I have to keep my sobriety simple or I will go back to using. At work I continue to learn how to accept praise from my superiors and colleagues. I know that I am good at what I do - it sometimes is just hard to hear people tell me that. I am grateful for the people that are in my life and their praise and compliments help me through the hard days that we all have. My challenge for you today is to accept a compliment with no excuses or challenges to it. Just say thank you.

RAGE

I am not talking about anger here - I am talking about red hot RAGE. When you see the stars in your eyes and you world goes blank and it feels like your body is going to explode. When I was younger I had a lot of problems with range and it created a lot of problems for me. Once I got clean and sober I found a place of serenity within me and the RAGE just seemed to go away. The sad truth is it has come back - I have lost that center. The other day I hit that spot and just didn't know what to do with myself. I thought about using, cutting myself but ended up just punching some walls - which IS NOT a healthy way of dealing with it. I have to learn how to communicate how I am feeling without feeling like I am losing control. Sometimes I just do not know how to express myself with words and that is when the RAGE starts to creep in. I know that I am the one that has the power to control my anger and RAGE. RAGE is something that is so insidious and can destroy people, relationships and jobs. I think the key for me is being aware of how I am feeling and being able to express myself when I am upset. It does not help to take the feelings out on myself or anyone else. I have to learn to communicate my feelings especially the ones that are tough for me like anger and frustration. Communication is the key to so many things and I feel that if we just learned to tell people how we are feeling and what our needs are then there is no need to feel out of control. My challenge for you today is to identify how you are feeling and communicate your needs to at least one person.